[BL] Accidentally Becoming the Healer of the Deranged Archduke-Chapter 197: Holy shit. I’m gay!!!

Xion never thought there would be a day like this.

Forget him, even Allen, who was always stone-faced, had a peculiar expression.

His facial muscles barely moved, but the wide honey-brown eyes and slightly agape mouth were enough to force yet another layer of blush to bloom on Xion’s cheeks.

Because across from him, Darius— yes, the great Archduke was holding a bowl and stirring it gently with a silver spoon and was getting ready to spoon-feed him.

It was porridge. Made exactly the way Xion liked it.

He’d woken up in the empty tent after almost two hours of another nap, and his stomach had started screaming for food. Not that he could blame it.

So, naturally, he pushed himself off the bed... only to nearly kiss the ground.

If it hadn’t been for someone catching him, Xion would’ve faceplanted like a tragic little worm.

"Your Grace?" he blurted out, startled by the sudden presence behind him.

"I leave you for a few minutes, and you’re already trying to run around?"

Darius’ voice was flat, almost chiding, as he scooped Xion into his arms like a sack of misbehaving flour and placed him back onto the bed.

"Your body is weak. Most likely barely holding on."

Xion knew it. Of course, he did.

But what was he supposed to do when he was starving? He didn’t even need to explain. The loud growl of his stomach spoke louder than any excuse.

And that was how he found himself here, sitting like a frail prince on a mountain of blankets, while the most dangerous man in the empire sat across from him, gently blowing on a spoonful of hot porridge.

Allen had personally made it. But after his little gaffe, the alchemist had silently retreated from the tent with the kind of speed Xion had never seen him move with.

Xion had wanted to scream after him. Brother don’t leave me alone!

But before him, Darius spoke.

"You asked me that question..." he began while still stirring the porridge, "Was it because of Allen?"

"Ah?" Xion let out an extremely unintelligent sound.

"You were talking about liking someone, Xion." Darius didn’t look up. His hand moved steadily as he stirred the thick creamy liquid.

That was when something exploded in Xion’s brain.

Like... liking... me liking Darius...

Suddenly, it hit him all at once, like a cruel epiphany delivered by the gods.

Holy shit. I’m gay!!!

Not only that, but he was also apparently gay for someone who was at least a decade older than him, who could kill with a flick of his wrist, and who had likely already killed more people than Xion had saved.

He wasn’t just gay. He was doomed.

The heat rose violently from his chest to his ears. It wrapped around his body and made him stiffen like a statue. Even without looking up, he knew that pink had started to dot on his cheeks.

And to make matters worse, the said decade-older death god had just reached over and rubbed his head. So gently at that...

"What is it?" Darius asked in a deceptively soft voice. "Why are you tensing all of a sudden?"

The Archduke paused before his lips curled up. "Could it be..."

Xion glanced up and immediately regretted it. Because Darius wasn’t smiling.

He was smirking.

And nothing good ever followed that look.

But... But! Why does he look so good even when he is so scary?

Xion’s brain was breaking. Am I really one of those idiots?

He had always despised those people who lose all sense the second their crush breathes in their direction. I used to hate them.

Indeed, he did, especially when this kind of sappy romance turned a perfectly good show into utter bullshit. And now I’ve become one?

He blinked and blinked again.

And then, without thinking, he slapped both of his cheeks with a sharp smack.

The bowl was set down with a harsh clink as Darius grabbed both of Xion’s wrists in his grasp.

"Xion."

Just his name. Spoken with an eerie calm and that low, warning tone that made Xion freeze entirely.

The smirk vanished from his face, and without that slight curl of his lips, the archduke didn’t look handsome anymore.

He looked dangerous.

Like a monster playing dress-up as a man.

Xion swallowed hard. "Y-yes?"

Both of Xion’s wrists were completely encased in Darius’s much larger hand. Yeah, just one.

The other was now cupping his face, long fingers brushing over his burning cheek like it was made of glass.

"I asked you a question, Xion," Darius’ voice was as soft as his touch, "Is Allen the reason you asked me that?"

Xion’s brain scrambled as it tried to form anything even remotely coherent.

"W-What? No. Well, yes... no. Not Brother Allen! It was just... just a hypothetical question! You know how people say strange things when they’re half-dead!"

Darius didn’t blink. The pale green eyes watching him dulled by a fraction, just enough to make it clear he didn’t believe a single word of it.

Not that Xion could blame him. His excuse sounded just as pathetic out loud as it had in his head.

So, he tried again.

"I mean, I’ve never liked anyone in my entire life." Not even in his past one... but that was beside the point.

"So, when I was half-dead, I got curious, alright? Just... wondering what it would feel like. Falling in love and all that." He flailed slightly, "But why are you even asking about Brother Allen?"

That seemed to do the trick.

The grip on his wrists loosened. Darius’s hand slid away from his face, but the warmth it left behind stayed like a phantom brand.

"Just curious," the archduke replied. "I don’t like to share what’s mine, and that includes you, Xion."

He picked the spoon back up as if his words did not make Xion’s eyes widen.

"Eat." Darius brought the porridge near Xion’s lips.

Xion wanted to protest. He really did. He wanted to insist he could feed himself.

Except his fingers were still trembling, and the aftershock of Darius’s touch and those words still had his brain running on scrambled code.

So, helplessly, awkwardly... he opened his mouth.

A small smile tugged at Darius’s lips as he raised the spoon and slid it past Xion’s lips.

You look adorable when you obey, he mused while watching intently as Xion chewed.

The tip of his tongue flicked out to catch a speck of porridge from the corner of his mouth, and Darius didn’t look away, not even for a second, as he brought the next spoonful forward.

Xion obediently opened his mouth and hated himself just a little for how easily he did it.

He told himself it was just the hunger. It wasn’t the way Darius looked at him in such a kind way.