[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 55: Accepting the love

Elijah’s pov ;

I want him, no doubt. I want him to stay by my side forever, but can I really forgive him and accept him?

Is this much anguish and pain enough? Has he endured sufficient punishment?

I brushed a soft kiss on his knuckles, feeling the warmth of his skin against my lips.

I’m tired, and I just want to let go of all these negative emotions and be free. Somewhere along the way, my desire for revenge had morphed into something else entirely.

It was no longer just physical attraction driving me towards him. It was something deeper, something I had been denying and pushing away for far too long. I have no idea when he started to penetrate my defences and making me feel things I had sworn to never feel again.

I couldn’t imagine a life without him in it now. I don’t know whether it was love or obsession. But my heart doesn’t mind neither of the feeling.

However, can I really let him go after everything he has done? Can I really let go of my need for revenge? Can I allow myself to love him, to truly care for him, without the shadow of the past hanging over us? How could I allow myself to feel anything for the person I had blamed for so long?

If I forget everything and forgive him. Will my parents forgive me for this betrayal?

I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead. "When did you become so important to me, Ash?" My voice barely reaching his slumbering ears. "When did you start mattering more to me than my own desire for revenge?"

And in that moment, as if in response, he stirred slightly and his fingers tightened around mine, the action caused my heart to skip a beat.

For the first time in a long while, I feel like u should allow myself to hope. Hope that we could find a way through this, that I could make up for the pain I had caused him. And as I watched him sleep, I knew one thing for certain: I would do whatever it take to keep him safe, to keep him with me forever.

No matter what.

That’s how deep my craze goes for him.

And if I think about the accident. What if he had a reason? What if something happened before the accident that made him so hyper that he was over speeding?

My head was a mess. But it was clear that he was also affected by the accident, to the point where he still got triggered by it, as the doctors mentioned. I didn’t know that his panic attacks were this serious. In our previous marriage, he never had panic attacks. But now, he had one just from hearing that I had gotten into an accident.

Which means that he cares for me. He doesn’t want to see me in pain. My fingers traced across his soft cheeks and neck tenderly.

His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks and a soft sigh escaped his lips. I smiled gently as he snuggled closer to my hand.

Whatever was happening and whatever had happened could be dealt with later. What was important now was that he heals and gets better.

Because no matter what- whether he was a murderer or not, whether I like him or deny the truth. I would never let him leave my side.

And it’s time that I accept that, yes, I’m obsessed with him.

That yes, I love him.

I’m in such a position where I feel like I could forgive any crime of his no matter how big or small are they.

I had never thought about it before, but it was true. The revelation stunned me. It was almost like the scales had fallen from my eyes, and suddenly everything became clear.

My feelings for him were much stronger than I had thought, and now that I had finally acknowledged them, I couldn’t ignore them anymore.

Yes, I got jealous whenever Ash talked to someone, and yes, I felt a spark of possessiveness every time someone else touched him.

It was an unsettling feeling, and at first, I tried to push it aside. But the more I denied it, the stronger the feelings became.

My fingers tangled in his soft hair, combing through the black strands. A smile curved my lips as he hummed contentedly in his sleep, his face melting into my hand.

I could no longer imagine my life without him in it. My days would be dull and empty, and I would spend each moment wondering where he was and what he was doing.

It’s not like I didn’t care about him during our marriage. But just like an stupid bastard I was under the impression that no matter what happens, he won’t leave me. So, I don’t have to put any efforts in it. I don’t have to give him my time or attention. I don’t have to give a damn about what he thinks and what he feels.

I didn’t bother. I was too consumed by my work, by the business world, by the chase for money and power that I didn’t pay any heed to his feelings or needs.

Hell, I only ever used him for his body and pleasure. Every time I crushed his delicate body under mine, all I could think about was myself. All I wanted was to feel good, to chase the thrill and excitement of the moment.

I couldn’t recall a single time when I had done anything just for him, without an ulterior motive. For fuck’s sake I never hold him in my arms after finishing our night activities. I always turned on the other side and sleep.

And he never complained.

How could I not notice this? How could I not see how much I was hurting him?

Ash was always the one who tried, always the one who gave and gave and gave.

Now that I think about it, he never said anything even when he was feeling upset or angry. Or when I declined any plans he made or ignored him.

And when I come to know that he’s the murderer I was looking for year’s. All hell break loose and I began to treat him like trash. I did and said many hurtful things to him, and he never complained.

He endured it all, the pain and abuse. How could I have been so blind, so selfish and cruel?

A sudden rush of guilt flooded through me, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. He killed my parents. But he has not made a single mistake or a crime after that. frёeωebɳovel.com

Since the accident, Ash hadn’t committed a single crime. In fact, he had been nothing but kind and gentle, almost childlike in his innocence. His emotions were always written plainly on his face, and there was a purity about him that made it hard to reconcile with the image of a cold-blooded murderer.

Had I been wrong about him all along? Could it be possible that there was more to the story than I knew? The thought gnawed at me. If Ash truly was innocent, or if he had been a victim of circumstances, was it so wrong for me to consider forgiving him?

Before I could dwell on these thoughts any further, my phone buzzed, pulling me back to the present. It was Daniel, informing me that he had brought the clothes. I sighed, gently pecking Ash’s forehead before leaving the ward. As much as I hated to step away, I knew it was necessary.

I met Daniel outside and quickly took the clothes from him. "Thank you, Daniel. I appreciate it."

"No problem, sir. Anything else you need?"

I shook my head, giving him a tired smile. "No, this should be enough for now."

As I made my way back to the ward, I heard a commotion from a distance. My heart began to race, and panic set in. By the time I reached the door, a crowd had gathered, blocking my view. I pushed through, and the sight that met my eyes made my blood boil.

Ash was screaming and thrashing on the bed, surrounded by nurses who were trying to restrain him as if he were some kind of wild animal. The look of fear and pain on his face was unbearable.

"Let him go!" I roared, my voice echoing through the room. The nurses froze, startled by my outburst.

Ash’s eyes found mine, and he cried harder, reaching out for me. "Elijah!"

I growled louder, my anger boiling over. "I said, let him go!"

The nurses hesitated but eventually released their hold on Ash. He stumbled towards me, and I caught him in my arms, holding him tightly. He buried his face in my chest, his body trembling with sobs.

"It’s okay, Ash. I’m here. I’m right here," I murmured, trying to soothe him.