[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 94: Miss you baby

Elijah sat on the couch, drink in hand, his face set in a determined expression that Ryder had seen too many times before. But tonight, there was something more—an edge of desperation that made Ryder uneasy. freёnovelkiss.com

Ryder watched as Elijah took another long drink. "You’ve had enough, Elijah. Stop drinking now," he said, concern lacing his voice.

But Elijah just shook his head, dismissing the comment, and poured himself another glass.

"I’m fine," Elijah muttered, his eyes unfocused. "What’s not fine is that Noah knows where Ash is, and he’s keeping it from me."

Ryder sighed, leaning back in his chair. He cared deeply for Elijah—had always looked out for him, ever since they first met years ago. Elijah was three years younger, but their bond went beyond age. Ryder had seen him rise through the ranks, a force of nature in the business world. But this...he can’t see Elijah like this. Elijah is losing it, and Ryder hated seeing it.

"So what do you want me to do?" Ryder asked, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it from Elijah’s lips.

Elijah’s eyes met his, dark and desperate. "I need you to get Ash’s location from Noah. Do whatever it takes. Thomas can help you to know more about Noah’s background and all."

Ryder’s heart sank. He had been dreading this. Getting information from Noah was no easy task, and Ryder’s reluctance ran deeper than mere strategy. His past interactions with Noah had been complex, tinged with a tension he couldn’t fully understand. There was something about Noah that got under his skin, and the thought of manipulating him left a bad taste in his mouth.

Ryder knows about Noah. More than Elijah thinks. They shared a forbidden past. Their interaction started the night they both met when Elijah asked Ryder to hold Noah back to take a drunken Ash away.

And that wasn’t the only interaction that happened between them. Now, feelings and emotions are involved. Probably one sided. But there are.

But he couldn’t tell Elijah that. Elijah didn’t need to hear about his doubts or the tangled feelings Ryder had for Noah. He didn’t need to know how those moments with Noah still haunted him, how every encounter had been charged with something Ryder couldn’t quite name.

"Ryder?" Elijah’s voice broke through his thoughts, pulling him back to the present.

Ryder hesitated, then nodded, his decision made. He couldn’t stand to see Elijah like this—hurting, lost. They had been through too much together, and despite his reservations, he knew he had to help.

"I’ll do it," Ryder said, his voice firm. "I’ll get the information from Noah. Whatever it takes."

Elijah’s shoulders relaxed slightly, and he looked at Ryder with a gratitude that twisted something inside him. "Thank you," Elijah said quietly.

Ryder forced a smile, trying to push down the unease that was bubbling up inside him. "Hey, come on now. No need for thank you. I’ve got your back, always."

Elijah nodded, and for a moment, there was a flicker of the old Elijah in his eyes—the strong, relentless man Ryder knows. But it was quickly overshadowed by the weight of his obsession, and Ryder knew that his friend was hanging by a thread.

As Elijah drained his glass, Ryder silently resolved to do whatever it took to find Ash—even if it meant confronting his own conflicted feelings about Noah. He couldn’t let Elijah destroy himself over this.

Elijah watched Ryder leave, his footsteps echoing through the quiet house. The emptiness of the house seemed to grow with each step he took.

He walked to the bathroom, the sound of his footsteps the only thing breaking the oppressive silence.

The shower was scalding hot, but Elijah barely noticed. He stood under the stream of water, letting it pound against his skin as if it could wash away the numbness that had settled deep in his bones. His thoughts were a chaotic mess, circling endlessly around Ash. Where was he? Was he safe? Did he even care about Elijah anymore?

These questions had no answers, and the apprehension gnawed at him, twisting his gut. Every day was the same—a blur of work, alcohol, and the crushing loneliness that greeted him when he returned to this empty house. There was no comfort here, no escape from the dark thoughts that plagued him.

After his shower, he dried off quickly, barely caring as he pulled on a fresh set of clothes. He didn’t bother with dinner, just like he hadn’t for the past few days. His appetite had vanished. Instead, he reached for the bottle of whiskey on his bedside table.

The first sip burned, but it was a familiar pain, one he welcomed. He took another sip, and then another, the alcohol dulling the edges of his thoughts, smoothing out the jagged emotions that threatened to tear him apart. He sank into the armchair by the window, staring out at the night sky.

This was his life now—an endless cycle of drinking, working, and existing in a haze of grief and anger. He had lost everything that mattered, and the more he drank, the more he realised just how hollow he had become.

The world outside his window was alive, full of people living their lives, but for Elijah, it was all meaningless. Without Ash, nothing seemed to matter.

He finished the bottle of whiskey, the room spinning slightly as he stood up. The bed was too big, too empty, and he knew that sleep would elude him once again. The only thing that awaited him in the darkness was the torment of his thoughts, the memories of what he had lost, and the fear that he would never get it back.

He stumbled back to the armchair, collapsing into it with a heavy sigh. He grabbed his phone, scrolling mindlessly through photos, finally stopping at one of Ash. He stared at the image, his vision blurring, not from the alcohol, but from the tears that he refused to let fall. He traced the outline of Ash’s face on the screen, his heart aching with a longing that he couldn’t put into words.

This was his life now—an existence marked by loneliness, regret, and a desperate hope that he could find a way to bring Ash back. But as the night stretched on, and the silence of the house grew even more oppressive, Elijah knew that he was more lost than ever.

Elijah lay on his bed, staring at Ash’s photo on his phone.

To the outside world, he was still the powerful and strong man he had always been. He conducted his business with the same ruthlessness, kept up appearances at every meeting, and never allowed a single crack to show in his carefully maintained facade. But behind that mask, the truth was much darker.

Every moment of his life without Ash was a slow, silent torture, a gnawing emptiness that ate away at him from the inside.

No one knew the depth of his suffering. No one could see the agony that lay inside him.

Elijah pressed the photo closer to his chest, his heart aching with a longing that words could never capture. And then, as if Ash were lying beside him, he began to speak.

"I miss you, Ash," Elijah began, his voice cracking slightly. "I miss you in ways that I never thought were possible. It’s this quiet, relentless ache that never goes away. I try to push it down, to bury it beneath work, beneath everything else, but it’s always there. It’s like a scream that echoes in my mind, so loud that it drowns out everything else near me."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as the memories flooded in. "When I’m working, I miss you. You’d always find some way to distract me. During meetings, I find myself drifting, thinking about you, wondering where you are, what you’re doing. Every moment I’m not thinking about you feels like a betrayal."

His fingers tightened around the phone, the pain in his chest growing sharper. "Lunch used to be the time I looked forward to the most because I’d see you. Even if it was just for a few minutes, those moments were enough to get me through the day. Now, the food tastes like nothing, just something I force myself to eat because I have to. And the nights...God, the nights are the worst. Lying here, alone, knowing you’re out there somewhere, but not here with me. It’s unbearable."

He swallowed hard, his throat tightening with emotion. "I can’t even sleep anymore. Every time I close my eyes, I see your face. I hear your voice. But then I wake up, and it’s just me. Just me in this big, empty bed, in this big, empty house. I’m haunted by the thought that I might never see you again, that I might never hold you, never tell you that I’m sorry, that I forgive you."

Tears pricked at his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "Every day without you feels like I’m slowly dying inside. I miss you so...much it hurts, and I don’t k-know how to stop it. I don’t know how to go on without you. But I can’t just let you go, baby. I...can’t. You’re everything to me, and I’ll do whatever it takes to find you, to bring you back. Because I love you. I love you so damn much...and I can’t stand the thought of living without you."

His voice trailed off into the silence of the room. The loneliness, the desperation, and the love he felt for Ash were all tangled together, a mess of emotions that he could barely control.

All he could do was lie there, clutching the photo, and hope that somehow, some way, Ash could hear him, could feel the depth of his pain, and know that Elijah would never give up on him.