[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 96: Do I like this new life? Maybe not

The village near the beach was a peaceful place, nestled between stretches of golden sand and fields of ripening strawberries. The small market was always bustling, with vendors selling fresh produce, fish from the morning’s catch, and handmade goods. Children ran around barefoot, playing in the dirt paths that crisscrossed the village, while the salty breeze carried the scent of the ocean across the fields.

In one of those strawberry fields, Ash was hard at work, helping out the local grandpa who owned the land. Grandpa was an old, scrappy man, full of vigor despite his age. His voice carried over the fields as he scolded his workers and cursed at the sun for being too hot.

"Hey, Ash!" Grandpa barked, shaking his cane at him from the edge of the field. "You better finish up quick! You know what happens if you’re late—no dinner for you, and I mean it this time!"

Ash laughed softly as he stacked the trays of already-picked strawberries. "I’ll be there, don’t worry," he called back with a smile. He carefully moved the trays into the cool storage shed, ensuring they wouldn’t spoil under the afternoon sun.

As the day wound down, Ash wiped the sweat from his brow and stretched his aching muscles. It was tiring work, but somehow, in this quiet village, it brought him peace. He packed up the last of the strawberries and made his way to Grandpa’s small house, whistling a cheerful tune.

As he walked down the dirt road, he spotted a small boy running towards him—Lucas, the son of their neighbours, with a book bag slung over his shoulder and a wide grin on his little face.

"When can I come over to do my homework, brother Ash?" the boy asked, panting a little from his run.

Ash knelt down, playfully pinching Lucas’ chubby cheeks, making the boy groan and swat his hand away. "Tonight, after dinner," Ash said with a warm laugh, ruffling Lucas’ hair. "Grandpa’s a bit under the weather, so I’ve got to take care of him first."

Lucas nodded, his big brown eyes full of cute understanding. "Okay! I’ll be over soon!" he chirped, and with that, he took off running back towards his house, waving over his shoulder.

Ash stood up, watching him go with a fond smile before heading toward Grandpa’s house. It was a humble place, worn from years of use but filled with warmth and memories. Ash felt a sense of belonging here, even though the pain from his past still lingered.

As he stepped onto the porch, the sound of the ocean in the distance reminded him of how far he’d come from the chaos of the city and the memories that haunted him. He was building something new here—a life that, while simple, brought him moments of happiness.

He reached home, greeted by the familiar smell of stew simmering on the stove. The house was small, with faded wallpaper and creaky wooden floors, but it felt warm and lived in. He immediately began setting the dinner table, carefully placing the bowls and utensils. Grandpa had already made the dinner, as usual, but Ash felt it was only right to take care of the little things, like warming the water for Grandpa’s bath and setting up his mattress for the night.

As Ash busied himself, Grandpa shuffled into the kitchen, his cane tapping lightly against the floor. His sharp eyes softened when he saw Ash working again, just like he did every day after returning from the fields. Though Grandpa never showed it much, deep down, he was really glad that Ash had come to live with him.

The old man hadn’t known how lonely life could be until his own heartless son had left him—packed up his bags and flown abroad with his wife and kids, abandoning the old man to fend for himself. He hadn’t even bothered to write, not a single word in all these years. That kind of hurt, Grandpa couldn’t talk about, so instead, he poured his energy into caring for Ash in his own gruff way.

With a loud, exaggerated huff, Grandpa slapped Ash on the back. "Stop running around like a chicken without a head, Puffin!" Grandpa barked, using the silly nickname he’d come up with for Ash on a whim. "Eat something first, for God’s sake!"

Ash looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, momentarily frozen before nodding excitedly. "Okay, I will!" he said with a grin, setting down the water pitcher and moving to grab a plate of food.

Even though Grandpa always pretended to be tough, Ash could see the way his eyes softened when he was around. He appreciated it more than he could ever put into words.

As they sat down to dinner, Ash and Grandpa talked about the day’s work, the strawberry fields, and how the sales at the market were going. "We’re doing good," Grandpa said between bites of stew. "But we’ve gotta start thinking ahead. The market’s always changing, and you’ve gotta keep up with it, or you’ll be left behind."

Ash nodded, listening intently. Grandpa had lived through so much, and his life lessons always hit close to home. "That’s life, Puffin," Grandpa continued, waving a piece of bread in the air for emphasis. "People come and go, things change, and sometimes it feels like the world’s got it out for you. But you keep moving forward. You don’t stop for no one, understand? And you don’t let no one drag you down either."

Ash nodded quietly, taking in the wisdom. He thought about his own life, about Elijah, and the chaos that had driven him here. Grandpa’s words rang true. Life had its way of pulling people apart, breaking them down, but the only way forward was to keep going, no matter the pain. Ash couldn’t let himself be held back by the past, even though he missed Elijah more than anything.

After dinner, Ash helped Grandpa with his bath and got him settled in bed. Once Grandpa was comfortable, Ash moved to the living room, where little Lucas was waiting with his homework spread out on the table.

"Alright," Ash said with a playful grin, ruffling the boy’s hair. "Let’s see what you’ve got for me tonight."

Lucas groaned and pushed Ash’s hand away, but his eyes were shining with excitement. "It’s maths again," he muttered, sliding his workbook across the table.

Ash chuckled as he sat down beside him, pulling the workbook closer. "Maths, huh? Alright, let’s do it."

As they worked through the problems, Ash couldn’t help but smile. These quiet, simple moments brought him peace. They might not erase the pain he felt deep inside, but they helped him find a reason to keep going, one day at a time.

In the night, he pulled the blanket over his head, curling himself into a ball as if the covers could shield him from the aching emptiness gnawing at his heart. But the weight in his chest only grew heavier. His breath hitched, throat tight, as though he was drowning in emotions he couldn’t contain. His heart pounded loudly in his ears—it was night again.

And with the night came the return of all those feelings he fought so hard to bury during the day.

His mind raced uncontrollably, images flashing before his eyes—Elijah’s smile and the sound of his voice calling out his name. It was as if Elijah were still there, standing beside him, filling the room with his presence. But it was all just a memory now. No matter how tightly Ash shut his eyes, no matter how hard he wished, Elijah wasn’t coming back.

How long has it been? Three years. But in Ash’s heart, it might as well have been yesterday. The memories were vivid, sharp, and alive—like fresh wounds that refused to heal. He could still see Elijah’s smile, feel the way their fingers brushed when they walked side by side.

But then there were the other memories, the painful ones—the fights, the guilt, the crushing realisation of what he had done. Ash felt the tears building in his eyes, burning his throat, but he tried to swallow them down. He couldn’t cry again. He had cried enough for a lifetime. Yet, no matter how hard he tried, the tears began to fall, silent and slow, tracing hot lines down his cheeks.

It feels like it’s been forever since Ash has seen him...but also like it’s only been a day. Time doesn’t make sense anymore. He thought. It’s been three years, but it still hurts as if it was just yesterday.

Ash forced himself to be strong during the day, keeping busy, distracting himself with work, anything to avoid the dark thoughts that threatened to engulf him. But when night fell, and there was nothing left to distract him, the loneliness became unbearable. The silence was suffocating, and the memories, which he had fought so hard to suppress, resurfaced with a vengeance.

He threw the blanket off and sat up, tears still streaming down his face. The room was dark, but the light of the moon filtered through the thin curtains. Ash dragged himself out of bed, his body feeling heavy and weak, like it had aged decades in these few years.

Slowly, he walked to the window and pushed it open. The cold air rushed in, biting at his skin, but he welcomed it. He needed to feel something other than the pain tearing him apart inside. The night was quiet, save for the distant sound of waves crashing against the shore. He gazed up at the moon, its pale light reflected in his wet eyes, and felt a fresh wave of anguish wash over him.

"E-Elijah..." he whispered, his voice breaking as the tears came harder now, his chest heaving with sobs he couldn’t control. "I m-miss you...I miss you so much."

His fingers gripped the windowsill tightly as he leaned forward, the cool breeze drying the tears on his cheeks. He bit his lip, trying to stifle the sobs, but the pain was too great. It had been too long. He had tried to forget, to move on, but no matter what he did, Elijah was always there, haunting him, filling his dreams, his thoughts, his heart.

Every night, he hoped the pain would lessen, that it would fade just a little bit. But it never did. It grew stronger, more unbearable. How could love do this to someone? How could it make him feel so broken, so lost?

With a trembling hand, he wiped the tears from his face, though they were quickly replaced by more. He looked up at the moon again, as if hoping that somehow, Elijah was looking at it too, feeling the same way.

"I’m sorry," he whispered to the night, the words slipping out between sobs. "I’m so sorry..."

He didn’t know how long he stood there, just crying quietly to himself. When Ash finally turned away from the window, he felt drained, his eyes red and swollen, his heart feeling like it had been shattered into a million pieces.

But this is his new life now. A life without Elijah. A life where each day, he had to convince himself that he could survive without the man who had once been his entire world. There was no Elijah in this small village, no traces of their shared past, no reminders of the life they once had together.

Yet, as Ash stared out into the night, a thought wormed its way into his mind—a thought he had tried to push away but couldn’t escape. Had Elijah moved on?The very idea made his heart seize in his chest, the sharp pain of it taking his breath away.

Was Elijah with someone else now? Laughing with them, holding them, sharing moments that Ash had once cherished? His heart clenched at the possibility, the thought of Elijah’s smile directed at someone new. It hurt more than he could bear. Ash squeezed his eyes shut, his hands balling into fists as he tried to fight off the wave of anguish threatening to engulf him.

He could picture it so vividly—Elijah with someone else, their hands intertwined, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. He could almost hear the laughter, the warmth in Elijah’s voice, a sound Ash hadn’t heard in years but could never forget.

Was Elijah happy? Did he find peace in someone else’s arms? And if he did...why did that hurt so much?

The rational part of Ash wanted to believe that if Elijah had moved on, it was for the best. Maybe it meant Elijah had found the happiness that Ash could never give him. Maybe it meant Elijah had finally let go of the pain. But the selfish part of him, the part that still clung to the memories, screamed in protest. He didn’t want to imagine Elijah with someone else. He didn’t want to believe that Elijah could love someone the way he had once loved Ash.

Maybe Elijah was happy now. Maybe he had found someone who didn’t carry the same guilt and weight that Ash did. Maybe that was for the best.

But Ash couldn’t deny the ache in his heart, the way it felt like he was losing Elijah all over again. The idea of Elijah’s heart belonging to someone else felt like a fresh wound, one he couldn’t even begin to heal.

And yet, Ash knew this was his new life. And in this new life, there was no room for Elijah. Only the memories and the pain they brought with them.