Eighteen's Bed-Chapter 30.6
What is this?
<Focus on solving non-fiction problems. You’ll be able to hit about a grade 3 level in no time. Well done, Kang Jun. p.s. Sorry for looking at your grades freely. I was just going to cover it but ended up seeing it.>
What’s this?
I couldn’t think for a moment as I stared at the note left on my desk after briefly stepping out of the classroom.
What does this mean?
Kang Jun? Why did he leave this?
I traced the handwriting with my finger, the writing barely legible as if it had been hurriedly written with a rosary. "Well done." Well done? Me? I was about ready to kill myself after seeing these grades. My father, that incompetent pig, had been grabbing at my ear and ripping it apart like a torn-up hole, drawing the inevitable future of my death.
The cruel, sweet bombardment of kindness pressed against the back of my neck.
I stood still, only looking at the classroom floor. Then, worried someone might see, I hastily crumpled the test paper. My hand, holding the paper, trembled like a reed. The faint scent of magnolias was floating around the classroom. It reminded me of spring, when I used to pass by the neighbor's house and smell that scent. It was the smell of a flower shop’s fridge.
“…Has Kang Jun gone mad?”
An irresistible force seemed to pull me in. Every speck of dust floating in my mind was sucked in.
Kang Jun is nice. Boring, but nice. Why is he nice? If you liked Kang Jun, you’d know. He’s such a sucker.
The guy who ruthlessly mocked and ignored Kang Jun in front of me was Han Junwoo. That’s when I started evaluating Kang Jun.
It started there. If only I hadn’t listened to Han Junwoo’s words. Who around me could talk about Kang Jun? Everyone around him was just a stepping stone for Han Junwoo. And once I realized it, I realized I had been seeing Kang Jun through Han Junwoo’s eyes. What arrogance.
That night, in my imagination, Kang Jun stared at me quietly, with his school uniform tightly buttoned all the way to his neck. There were no signs of injury, no broken parts. I had only ever seen his back before; it was the first time I’d seen his front. He wasn’t crying out in regret, begging me for forgiveness.
The first time Kang Jun showed his front, the first thing he said was this:
“Yohan, kiss me.”
Me?
“Yeah, Yohan. You.”
Kang Jun opened his arms and smiled at me, just like the expression he had when I saw him in the cafeteria that day.
“I don’t want Han Junwoo, I want you.”
…What?
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“I like you more than Han Junwoo.”
Fuck. I think I lost my mind right there and jumped on Kang Jun.
It was my first kiss. The other side was the imagined Kang Jun. Of course, there was still no sensation. I just kissed the air. It was truly a pathetic first kiss.
One wheel of fate pressed me down, and another wheel rolled past me. A wheel can’t roll unless there are at least two, right? The wheel that rolled past me was the new transfer student. Han Junwoo had been eyeing him for days. How did I know? Because Kang Jun was looking at him. And Kang Jun was looking at the transfer student that Han Junwoo was looking at. Just like last year and this year’s version of me.
“Fuck. Pay attention. This is why you don’t look where you're going.”
Han Junwoo relentlessly bullied the transfer student, and Kang Jun watched the transfer student in secret. And, in a voice so small it could barely be heard, he whispered.
“Just die. Stupid fuck.”
I was the only one who heard it. Only I, the one in charge of Kang Jun in this terrible square race. That moment was enough to send chills down my spine.
What did Kang Jun just say?
A shiver ran down my spine. His small mutter was filled with pure malice. The petty jealousy, that familiar feeling, was overwhelming. I dug my fingernails into my fingers to steady myself. I extended my trembling hand and lightly pushed Kang Jun’s shoulder.
“Jun.”
At that moment, the look that covered the petty jealousy lifted like a blanket, and his eyes shone brightly, as if the blanket had been thrown off.
“Yeah, what?”
I didn’t expect him to respond, but the core of my being, which had never reacted on its own in my life, stirred slightly. My endorphins, tearing at my brain, made my lower abdomen twitch. All because of those sparkling, clear eyes. I had to look.
“You.”
“Why?”
“You’re really nice.”
Kang Jun slightly furrowed his brows. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Finally, it started to become clear. Kang Jun was a really interesting guy. A petty opportunist, tainted by jealousy. A new side of Kang Jun’s face was showing.
“What the hell are you talking about now?”
“Jun.”
“What now?”
“Want to go to church?”
Kang Jun slightly parted his lips, then quickly closed them again.
In the busy all-boys high school, I was the only one who saw Kang Jun’s lip movements.
Now that I was looking at Kang Jun through my own eyes, not Han Junwoo’s, he seemed like such an interesting guy. Kang Jun might have a bad side, could be rude sometimes, and occasionally nice. Just like how Kang Jun was in charge of the recycling area that no one wanted to take on. He took care of recycling both in first year and second year. I looked down at Kang Jun separating the plastic bottles and plastic bags outside the classroom window.
“What are you looking at? You think there’s something out there? Why do you keep grinning? Let me see too.”
At that
°• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •°
moment, Kim Minho and Kim Seokmin leaned in beside me.
After finishing with the recycling, Kang Jun stood up tall and stared at something intently. This time, he raised his long, thin fingers to his neck. Kang Jun’s neck was nice. Long, clean, and white. But the direction he was staring at wasn’t that great.
Kang Jun muttered something under his breath. It was obvious. He probably cursed again.
“You been watching Kang Jun? Hey, what’s up with this guy?”
“What’s suspicious about him?”
The more curiosity I had about Kang Jun, the more my malice grew. Everyone told me I was lucky. That I was living a life favored by the gods. I still didn’t believe that, but this time, I decided to try and believe it. This was the signal announcing the start of something.
“Jun is…”
“Kang Jun? What about him?”
“Isn’t he a bit… tough?”
As soon as my words ended, six eyes lit up.
And by chance, I saw a small red line on Kang Jun’s cheek.
“….”
Did he get hurt?
I felt something strange and was about to pull my body away from the window, but the rosary was roughly pulled back. It was Kim Minho’s fault, pressing his body against the window sill, the cross caught in the spot. That goddamn cholera-infested bastard. I grabbed his arm and threw him to the ground.
“Move, you fucking asshole!”
“Oh, shit. Sorry, sorry.”
I tightened my grip on the rosary, almost ripping it apart, and looked back outside the window.
The string hanging from my fingertips brushed against the window. I could hear soft muttering from the side, but soon, it faded away like a mirage.
Kang Jun had rolled his plump lips into his mouth. I quickly yanked on the rosary, as if I were about to rip it apart.
Kang Jun, do you know what it feels like to walk barefoot on scorching asphalt? The tar that’s been heated by the summer sun smells awful. The black monster that covers the dirty pile of mud melts the stray dogs that pass by. Animals that can’t endure the intense heat and burning scent writhe, twisting their bodies before dying with their arms and legs stretched to the sky.
Now that I think about it, they just laid new asphalt in our neighborhood.
In the classroom, the only cradle where I could curl up and sleep, a dream was born. I wanted everything because I was greedy. Even the petty jealousy, I wanted to take it. At eighteen, I wanted everything, even the fleas hidden under the silk blanket.
But strangely, I couldn’t stop obsessing over the little scratch on Kang Jun’s cheek. My insides twisted, contorting like I was being crushed.
THE END.
