Help! I Became A Guy In A BL Novel!-Chapter 156: Guilt and Pain

Once Eli left Riven’s estate, he let out a deep, heavy sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the world with it. His small shoulders sagged under the burden of guilt that gnawed at him relentlessly. He had done as he was told. He had passed on the hint to Riven, subtly steering him toward a decision he otherwise might not have made.

He had kept his words light, casual even, but inside, his heart was heavy. It felt like he had betrayed Riven, even though he kept telling himself it was for a good reason.

What could he have done? He kept asking himself.

He trudged forward mechanically, his soft steps barely making a sound on the dirt path as he moved away from the estate. His mind wandered back to earlier that day, to the encounter he wished he could erase.

Julius had appeared out of nowhere again, like a bad omen.

Eli had been walking peacefully, minding his own business, when he sensed the presence behind him. Before he could react, Julius was there, stepping into view with that unsettling calmness that made Eli’s skin crawl.

Without any pretence, Julius asked for Eli’s help.

Eli had refused immediately, almost on instinct. He had said no firmly, even stepping back, preparing to leave at once. But then Julius spoke again, and his words froze Eli in place.

"I know things," Julius had said smoothly, "Secrets that could help your Alpha and keep Riven safe."

Eli’s heart had skipped a beat at that.

Healers were not built for politics, but they were raised hearing stories, horrible, gut-wrenching stories of wars that tore apart clans, of unspeakable tragedies that left both wolves and rabbits in mourning.

He had seen families get destroyed, children orphaned, women widowed...

His family was filled with healers, generation after generation. They had passed down more than just healing techniques. They passed down memories, warnings, and the scars of history.

Eli knew better than most the cost of civil unrest.

He had lived a relatively peaceful life so far under the reign of the current Alpha, a man who, while strong, valued stability and peace. Eli had always been quietly grateful for that. But now, the situation was different.

Things were teetering dangerously close to chaos.

Eli feared the future.

He had already seen too much death in his short life. Too many good people were dying for foolish reasons. And war... War would multiply that tragedy by a hundredfold.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shake off the memory of Julius’s voice, calm yet carrying a weight that was hard to ignore. Eli had sensed something odd about Julius that day, it was not hostility exactly, but heavy desperation.

Still, no matter how rationally he tried to look at it, no matter how much he tried to justify it to himself, Eli knew he had been manipulated. Julius knew exactly how to push his buttons.

Eli hated it.

He hated being dragged into this complicated web of politics and secrets and past grudges. He was just a healer! A small bunny! He wasn’t built for schemes and power plays. He just wanted peace. He just wanted to help people, not become some pawn between dangerous figures.

But despite all of that, in the end, he had chosen to act.

If he really does know some information and if he could truly stop an imminent war... Eli knew that he had to try. There were so many innocent people, children, elderly that could be hurt!

Now, walking under the shade of the trees, Eli’s chest felt tight, almost suffocating.

He glanced around, making sure he was alone, and then quickly slipped behind one of the larger trees. His legs gave out beneath him almost immediately, and he sank to the ground, hiding in the shadows.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face against them.

Tears welled up in his wide, pink eyes, blurring his vision.

He sniffled quietly, trying to hold it in, but the tears came anyway, soaking into the fabric of his sleeves as he wiped at them furiously.

He hated that feeling — that ugly, slimy feeling that clung to him now.

He tried to tell himself he had done the right thing.

That this could help the Alpha.

That this could help prevent war.

That this could help Riven, who had already suffered more than enough.

But no matter how many times he repeated those thoughts, the guilt didn’t go away. It just stayed there, heavy and gnawing and terrible.

Eli hiccupped softly as he tried to steady his breathing.

He hated feeling like this like he had let down someone he cared about deeply.

Riven was his dear friend.

Someone who had never treated him as just some servant, he was someone who respected him and listened to him.

And now he had gone behind his back, even if he thought he did it with best intentions, the guilt kept clawing at him.

Eli pressed his forehead against his knees and stayed there for a long moment, letting himself feel all of it — the guilt, the regret, the anxiety about what would come next.

He couldn’t change what he had done.

But he could at least be honest about it.

He could at least face Riven properly.

Once Riven was back, once he had a chance to sit down with him face-to-face, he would confess everything.

He would tell Riven that he had met Julius.

That he had refused him at first. But for the sake of the people in their clan, he thought it was worth a shot.

He would apologise sincerely, without trying to justify it.

Even if Riven ended up being angry with him even if Riven decided to never trust him again, Eli would accept it.

He did not have too many friends. He was always different from the other boys, and Riven might be the first friend he ever had. He did not want to lose that.