ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 109: The Accidental Beggar ( )

What none of them knew was this—

The legendary, "impossible to track" target...

The black-haired "phantom" who slipped through assassin nets...

The man every kingdom believed was a professional threat...

Was currently squatting near a street corner.

In broad daylight.

Hazuki rested his arms on his knees, chin in one hand, watching the crowd of beastkin, halflings, and humans pass him by.

Right in front of him?

A wooden cup, sitting on the ground.

He hadn’t even noticed it was there.

But everyone else had.

Children whispered. Vendors side-eyed him. Pedestrians gave him a wide berth.

To them... he looked like a beggar.

Meanwhile, Hazuki was deep in a very important discussion—with his sword.

"Heh... You failed to ask anyone what this town is called," Ridan said flatly.

"Hey!" Hazuki shot back, still squatting. "I was trying to smile and ask politely! Yet they all just looked away and rushed off!"

Ridan groaned. "You’re literally sitting on the roadside looking like you’re collecting charity."

"Huh?"

Hazuki glanced at the cup.

"...Oh."

As Hazuki continued squatting, sulking, and muttering at Ridan—

Clink.

A copper coin dropped into the wooden cup in front of him.

"Eh?"

Hazuki blinked, looking down.

Clink.

Another coin.

Clink-clink.

Two more followed from different passersby, each one pausing to look at him with the same expression—

Pity.

One kind elderly halfling woman even placed a small pastry beside the cup with a sympathetic nod. "You stay strong, young man..."

Hazuki’s eye twitched.

"Wha!?"

Inside his mind, Ridan burst into laughter. "Heh... they’re giving you coins, Beggarzuki."

Hazuki clenched his fists.

"Damn it!! Shut up!!" he whispered harshly.

But it was too late. Another pedestrian dropped a coin in the cup and smiled warmly. "Be brave, young man... never give up!"

Hazuki’s eye twitched again.

"THIS IS A MISUNDERSTANDING!!!"

Clink.

"Whatever..." Hazuki sighed, leaning back dramatically.

Clink.

Another coin.

He peeked sideways, lips curling into a slow, devilish grin.

"...Welp. If the shoe fits."

He hunched forward slightly, pulling his bag tighter around his shoulders like a worn blanket. Then, in the most pitiful voice he could muster:

"I’m hungry~ please spare me some coin... even just a crumb..."

Clink. Clink. Clink.

The coins kept coming.

A mother nudged her child.

"See? We must help the less fortunate."

"Here, mister," the kid whispered, dropping a small cookie beside the cup. "I hope your family gets better."

Hazuki bowed slightly, his voice trembling with fake emotion. "Y-you’re too kind... sniff..."

Ridan groaned. "Oh please, you’re laying it on thicker than a bard during a full moon festival."

Hazuki ignored him and leaned into the act.

He started fake coughing pitifully. "Cough! Ah... I haven’t had anything but... leaves... sniff..."

Clink. Clink.

A few more kind-hearted halflings tossed coins and wrapped snacks in his direction.

Then, Hazuki pulled out a small piece of cloth from his bag and tied it around his head like a bandage, looking up with the sad puppy stare. "Even one copper... can warm this dying soul..."

CLINK.

One noble-looking lady even gasped. "This poor man!!"

Ridan was howling in his mind. "I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS WORKING!!"

Hazuki grinned silently behind his tragic expression.

Clink.

A heavy sound—not copper, not silver...

Hazuki’s eyes widened slightly. He peeked into the cup—

One. Gold. Coin.

"Jackpot—" he started, before slowly looking up at the generous donor.

What he saw made his soul nearly leave his body.

A huge, muscle-packed man with a shaved beard, thick makeup, long curled eyelashes, and a fluffy noblewoman’s dress stood over him, posing delicately with one hand on his cheek.

"Ohhh~ such a poor, young, handsome boy..."

He caressed Hazuki’s cheek with one bejeweled finger. "You must’ve fallen from heaven~"

"Don’t worry, sweetie... big Auntie Bernardina will take care of you~"

Hazuki froze.

A chill ran down his spine.

The man leaned closer. "If you want... you can come to my house~ I’ll give you all the food you want... warm clothes... soft pillows..."

Hazuki gulped.

"You shouldn’t live like this," the man purred. "Come now, don’t be shy~ You’ll be my sweet little kitten."

Inside Hazuki’s head—

Ridan screamed. "YOU BETTER RUN OR BECOME THIS MAN’S DESSERT TONIGHT! AHN~!!"

Hazuki, still smiling like a tragic orphan, snatched the coin cup, stuffed it into his bag, and slowly stood up—pretending to be crippled.

"Oh... thank you... kind... sir... lady.. noble. sniff sniff..."

He turned...

And then—

DASHED.

Like lightning.

Like a thief in the wind.

Like his butt was literally on the line.Well...

"EEEEKKKKK!!!"

"Oh~ don’t be shy~ Auntie Bernardina loves shy boys~!" the man called after him, blowing a kiss.

"RIDAANNNNN HELP MEEEE!!!"

"I warned you, dumbass!! RUN FASTER!!"

After sprinting like his life—and dignity—depended on it, Hazuki finally slowed to a walk, panting and glancing over his shoulder every few steps.

Once he was sure the coast was clear, he started walking casually, trying to regain what little pride he had left.

"This town is too big," he muttered.

Ridan snorted inside his mind. "Yeah... just like that manlady earlier. What was his name again? Bernardina?"

Hazuki visibly shuddered. "Damn you, Ridan!! Don’t say that name!!"

"Oh~? Why not? I thought you two had a moment~."

"I was almost the main course, you cursed spirit!!"

"Hey! That’s what you get for pretending to be a beggar just to earn easy money!"

Hazuki groaned and covered his face. "Ugh... I was living my best freeloader life, man! One moment I’m collecting copper, next moment I get a golden nightmare offer!"

"And to think—he offered you dinner and dessert."

"I WAS THE DESSERT!!!" Hazuki shouted, drawing confused stares from a couple of townsfolk passing by.

Ridan laughed louder. "You should’ve said yes. Maybe you’d be eating steak and wearing silk by now—Hazuki-chan~"

"I WILL SMELT THIS SWORD, I SWEAR."

Then he opened his pouch and peeked inside.

"Heheheh... Well, I got the money now. Woo~ this is a lot!" His eyes sparkled. "And damn! A gold coin!"

Ridan sighed from the sword strapped to his waist. "So, where we going next?"

Hazuki rubbed his chin thoughtfully, then looked around at the lively town. "Hmm... Since I already have money, I think we go sightseeing first."

Then his eyes twitched. "...Or better yet, let’s leave this town."

Ridan snorted. "Scared Auntie Bernardina’s gonna find you again?"

Hazuki looked dead serious. "YES."

"Then let’s escape before he puts you in a frilly dress and calls you his little dumpling."

"TO THE EXIT! FAST!!"

And just like that, Hazuki turned and bolted—again.

( End of Chapter )