ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 113: Vine and Flame ( )

"La la la la la~!"

Hazuki cheerfully hummed as he strolled down the road, arms swinging, his eyes taking in the warm sunlight and endless greenery around him. His steps had a bounce to them—like someone who hadn’t a single care in the world.

"Someone’s in a good mood," Ridan muttered from his spot, strapped snugly at Hazuki’s waist.

"Yeah, Ridan! Why worry about something that hasn’t happened yet?" Hazuki grinned. "Today’s got its own worries. Tomorrow? That’s future-me’s problem."

"So... you’re just gonna live in the moment and ignore all your responsibilities?"

"Exactly!" Hazuki nodded proudly.

"Now, onward! To adventure! To freedom!"

Ridan groaned, but deep down, there was a slight warmth in his voice.

"You really are an idiot... but at least you’re a happy one."

Hazuki gave a thumbs-up . "That’s the spirit!"

Hazuki started singing:

♪ It’s a good day, a happy day,

No work, no tax, no rent to pay!

Got my sword and tasty bread,

Hope no monster bites my head! ♪

"...Seriously?" Ridan muttered.

Hazuki grinned while continuing to sing:

♪ The road is long but I don’t care~

The breeze is nice, I’ve got fresh air! ♪

Ridan rolled his eyes and then joined in:

♪ With a dumbass fool and a grumpy sword,

We march ahead, forever bored~ ♪

"Oi! Not bored—blessed!" Hazuki shouted.

"Fine," Ridan said, continuing to sing with Hazuki:

♪ We march ahead, mildly stressed~

♪ Good day! Happy day!

Who knows what’s comin’ our way~ ♪

Hazuki finished the song with an exaggerated spin and a finger point at the sky. "Woo! That was nice!"

Ridan groaned. "Yeah, yeah. Now can we please pick up the pace?"

"To where?"

"Just—just hurry up."

"Nahhh," Hazuki stretched, strolling slower. "This pace is perfect. I love the view here."

Ridan muttered, "I swear, if I still had a body, I’d kick your lazy—"

He suddenly paused, his tone shifting.

"Hazuki..."

"Hmm?" Hazuki was still walking with that dopey, relaxed grin. "What now, pervert blade?"

"Up ahead. That girl—on the tree stump. Be careful."

"Where?" Hazuki squinted.

"There." Ridan floated, pointing toward a figure sitting atop a wide, old stump.

"Ohhh... that one." Hazuki slowed his steps. "Hmm... I don’t know, but... I don’t like her."

Ridan blinked from within the blade. "Oh? You can tell she’s—"

"Tell what?"

"That she’s dangerous?"

"Huh? No idea," Hazuki shrugged. "It’s just... she gives me the same vibe as dangerous woman back in the old world. You know, smiling sweetly, gold digger, while planning how to ruin people life."

Ridan stared. "...You’re joking, right?"

"Nope. I trust that instinct more than any danger sense."

Ridan floated silently for a second. "...What a dumb reason."

Hazuki ignored him, watching the girl.

The girl smiled weakly, her head slightly tilted, long hair hiding part of her face. Her legs were heavily bandaged, and her dress was tattered just right to gain sympathy. "P-please..."

Hazuki raised a brow. "Hmm?"

"Please... help me..."

"Err..." Hazuki scratched his cheek, whispering sideways. "Ridan. That’s definitely bait, right?"

"Obviously."

"But like... she could be just a hurt girl."

"Or she could be a vine-covered corpse-harvesting monster who’ll wrap your body and plant you like a turnip."

"...You really paint a nice picture, thanks."

"You’re welcome. Now back away slowly, and whatever you do, don’t flirt."

"Oi. Like I’d flirt with someone that looks like she’ll bite my face off the moment I blink."

"Then we’re in agreement. Let’s go."

Hazuki nodded. Then he turned to the girl.

"Sorry, lady! My sword’s allergic to suspicious girls with mysterious leg injuries!"

"...What!?"

"No hard feelings! Bye now!"

Hazuki speed-walked past, his pace quickening just enough to avoid looking panicked.

The girl’s expression suddenly twisted into a wide, creepy grin. "Got you..." she whispered.

From beneath the ground, thick vines and twisted roots burst upward with a sickening crack, slithering straight for Hazuki’s legs.

"W-Whoa—!" Hazuki hopped back. "What the hell!?"

More vines erupted from the dirt, twisting like snakes and snapping toward him from every direction.

"The fuck is this!?" Hazuki yelled, rolling to the side as one vine nearly lashed his waist.

"Dodge faster, dumbass! Unless you wanna be compost!"

Hazuki rolled again as another vine smashed into the spot where he had just stood.

"You’re on her menu, that’s what!"

More vines exploded out from the earth—writhing, lunging. One caught his ankle.

"AGH! LEMME GO, YOU PLANT BITCH!!"

He yanked himself free, skidding across the grass, and drew his sword. Mana surged through him as the blade ignited in flames.

"You better end that monster now or you’ll be next on her fertilizer list!" Ridan barked.

"Seriously!?"

"Yeah! This thing’s whole schtick is luring idiots, binding them, and burying them alive! Then she drains your life and turns you into mulch!"

"Fuuuuuck that!!" Hazuki shouted, slashing through a vine that lunged at his shoulder.

The blade sliced cleanly through it, flames catching the tip and turning it to ash.

Another vine lashed toward him from the side—Hazuki ducked, spun, and swung upward in a blazing arc. The root exploded in a fiery puff.

"Now that’s what I’m talking about!" Ridan yelled.

Hazuki’s eyes burned with determination. "Alright, you creepy fake-damsel tree witch...! I’m gonna prune you into firewood!!"

Hazuki swung with a fiery slash, cutting down several vines. He charged at the monster-girl, teeth gritted.

"You picked the wrong crazy guy to mess with!!"

The forest echoed with Hazuki’s wild laughter, the fiery arcs of his sword lighting up the shadows like rogue fireworks.

"URYAAAA!!" he howled, his entire body surging with mana. Each swing cut through the vines like paper, his flaming blade carving through the writhing roots.

Ridan, watching from inside the sword, muttered in disbelief. "Holy crap... his mana pool is massive. And he’s using it like a damn lunatic."

Hazuki’s eyes gleamed—half bloodlust, half insane glee. "It’s been so long since I fought something that deserved it!! You creepy vine lady!! You picked the WRONG GUY!!"

Another vine shot toward him from the side.

"Nice try!" Hazuki twisted mid-step, ducked, and delivered a clean horizontal slash, incinerating the vine into ash.

His body moved like a blur, spinning and slashing through every vine that came his way. Each strike ignited the roots, flames spreading rapidly across the forest floor. The monster-girl shrieked—a horrible, inhuman sound—retracting some of her limbs, but Hazuki was already closing the distance.

"Come here, you twisted bush!! Uncle Hazuki’s got a gift for you—FREE PRUNING!!"

With a roar, Hazuki leapt into the air, sword raised overhead, flames swirling violently around him.

"URYAAAAA!!!"

( End of Chapter )