ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 161: Smash, Burn, and Loot ( )

"Ridan."

Hazuki called, still crouched among the loot.

No response.

He looked up.

Ridan was floating slightly higher than usual, his face blank, lost in thought.

"Oi, pervert spirit!"

Ridan snapped back to reality.

"WHAT!?"

Hazuki squinted.

"You looked like your mind just left the planet. Reach the moon yet? Or did you overshoot and land on the sun?"

"Ugh! Annoying idiot."

Ridan grumbled, shaking off his thoughts.

"Now help me collect the loot!"

Hazuki threw a shiny goblin pouch upward.

"Do you think I can touch physical stuff and bag it for you!?"

"Here—catch!"

"Wha—!"

Ridan instinctively caught the pouch... and blinked. freёnovelkiss.com

"...Oh."

Hazuki grinned.

"Yeah, forgot you can interact with stuff I own. Spirit cheat code or something."

He pointed dramatically like a commander in war.

"Alright, pervert spirit! Collect everything! Move out!"

Ridan glared, holding the pouch with deadpan rage.

"I’m not your servant!!"

"But you’re helping~"

Hazuki teased, flipping another coin pouch his way.

"Ughhhh! I miss the days when I was feared."

"Yeah yeah. Loot first, drama later."

"WOOOO!!!"

Hazuki spun around with both arms in the air, holding his sword in one hand, wobbling a little.

"We got a lot of loot today! We’re eating good tonight, baby!!"

Ridan floated slowly beside him, looking unusually serious.

"Hey, Hazuki..."

Hazuki paused.

"Huh? Why so serious now? Don’t tell me you’re jealous of my loot."

Ridan ignored the joke.

"What do you think... about small goblins?"

Hazuki tilted his head.

"Small? You mean the weak ones? Like, baby-sized?"

"Yes."

Ridan’s voice was quieter now.

"They seem innocent. But if you ever turn your back on them..."

He floated closer.

"They stab you from behind and kill you right away. No hesitation. No mercy."

Hazuki’s eyes widened.

"...For real?"

Ridan nodded.

"They’re not children. They’re monsters. Born cruel. Taught to be worse."

Hazuki’s face hardened.

He slowly turned toward a nearby goblin cave tucked in the hill, covered in moss and stones.

Faint squeaks came from inside—small, higher-pitched than before.

Hazuki gripped his sword.

"Damn."

He focused, channeling his mana—the blade hummed with power, sparks flickering from its edge.

"Alright, Ridan! You know what to do!"

He pointed his glowing sword straight at the cave entrance.

"Target the nest. Fire everything."

Ridan grinned, eyes shining faintly.

"With pleasure."

He floated next to the sword, reaching out a misty hand to touch the metal.

The hum of the sword grew deeper.

A loud rumble started beneath them.

"Let the flames of justice cleanse this dump."

Hazuki smirked.

"FIRE IN THE CAVE!!!"

BOOM!!

An enormous explosion shook the forest as a lightning-charged blast hit the goblin cave, sending rocks, dirt, and burning moss flying everywhere.

"GUHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"

Countless goblin voices shrieked in panic from inside—high-pitched, screeching, like a hundred rats on fire.

Hazuki stepped forward, flames reflecting in his eyes.

"...Still alive, huh?"

He raised his sword again.

Ridan blinked.

"What now? That was already overkill—"

"We’re making it a flamethrower this time."

Hazuki grinned, looking wild and determined.

"Oho~"

Ridan floated next to the sword, eyes shining.

"Now that’s the idiot I signed up to haunt."

He reached out and placed his hand on the sword.

He started chanting in an ancient, forgotten language—his voice deepening, layering, sounding inhuman.

The sword lit up like a dragon’s mouth. The hum grew into a roaring, fiery crescendo.

Then—

A jet of flame shot out from the tip of the sword, rushing into the cave with a monstrous howl.

The fire curled and spread like a living beast—

Engulfing every tunnel, every crack, leaving no corner untouched.

More shrieks.

More guhiiiiiiiii!!

And then... silence.

Thick smoke poured from the cave, choking the air.

Hazuki stood at the entrance, holding the sword like a fire hose of justice, sweating but looking proud.

"...Toasted."

He exhaled, satisfied.

Ridan clapped once, midair.

"Congratulations. You’ve officially committed war crimes on goblins."

As smoke billowed from the blackened cave, Hazuki wiped his brow and took a proud step back.

"Ahhh... that’s what I call pest control."

Then—

Ridan floated over casually, hands behind his back.

"Oh right—forgot to tell you, Hazuki."

"Huh?"

"Since that flamethrower of yours went in real deep... I believe everything inside got burned."

"...Yeah, that’s the point, right?"

"Yes... let’s just hope there weren’t any humans or beastkin accidentally trapped inside."

Hazuki’s eyes went wide.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

He dropped to his knees, face pale.

"Oh god, oh crap, oh flaming hell!! I didn’t check!! What if—WHAT IF—"

Ridan burst into laughter midair.

"PFFFT—GYAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

He floated upside down, spinning slowly.

"You should’ve seen your face, idiot!"

Hazuki stared at him, betrayed.

"Y-You... you troll cloud!!"

"Chill, idiot."

Ridan grinned and flicked Hazuki’s forehead with a misty finger.

"I already used my mapping skill. Checked the entire cave. Only goblins inside."

Hazuki blinked.

"...You serious?"

"You’re lucky you have me."

Ridan floated higher, puffing out his chest proudly.

"Now kneel and call me Ridan-sama."

Hazuki sighed, still trembling.

"One day... one day, I will put you in a jar."

"Only if it’s gold-plated and comes with snacks."

As the smoke began to settle and Hazuki looked at the smoking cave entrance, a thought occurred to him.

"By the way, Ridan..."

"Hmm?"

Hazuki squinted at the blackened tunnel.

"How long do you think it will take for the cave’s temperature to cool down?"

Ridan shrugged while floating in the air.

"Don’t know, man. And I’m telling you now—if there was any ring, accessory, or good loot inside? It’s probably melted. Or just turned to ash."

"..."

"..."

Hazuki’s face slowly twisted in frustration.

"SERIOUSLY!?!?"

Ridan burst out laughing.

"YEP."

He spun through the air like a smug smoke ring.

"That’s why I told you to stop at one spell—but nooooo, Mr. Flamethrower had to go full oven mode!"

Hazuki grabbed his head in distress.

"My loot! My precious shiny loot!!"

Ridan floated just above the scorched entrance, grinning.

"And remember, idiot—this is a cave. It’s sealed."

"Sealed? Like... magic sealed??"

"No! I mean sealed sealed. Like bad airflow, heat doesn’t escape fast. You know... like a cooking pot made of rock?"

Hazuki froze.

"...So if I go in right now—"

"Welcome to Cookzuki. Extra crispy."

Hazuki fell to his knees again.

"Nooooooo!!!!"

Ridan clapped midair like a cruel sous chef.

"Next time: loot first, arson later!"

( End Of Chapter )