Standing Next To You-Chapter 349: The Past- First Meeting with Lin Fei IV

"Your father is lying to you."

"He is only using you...."

"These people will never accept you."

"No matter how hard you try, unless you could go back to your mother’s womb and be reborn as their legitimate daughter, you will never have the same respect as the others."

"You will forever be a laughingstock."

"—Unless you ally with me. I’ll teach you to become someone they will bow their heads to."

These words were repeatedly whispered in her ears every time she fell victim to her cousin’s tricks. They hit hard, especially after being ridiculed by everyone in the mansion.

Bei Sangyun could no longer endure his taunting and exploded, "Then are you saying you are someone I can trust?"

Lin Fei smiled gently, a glint in his eyes, "Of course. Didn’t I tell you my secret for that reason? If you don’t wish to ally with me, you can reveal that secret to anyone. I don’t mind."

The young Bei Sangyun had no one by her side. It was too much to endure the ridicule and humiliation alone. At this moment, she needed someone to comfort her and say the words she needed to hear—that she had done well and that everything would be okay.

It was like falling into a cliff, into the abyss called ’despair.’ She was desperate enough to grasp that blood-soaked rope.

So despite her gut feeling of suspicion, Bei Sangyun held onto Lin Fei.

As Lin Fei promised, he taught her how to survive in the mansion.

Whenever she was distraught, he would appear and comfort her like a big brother. He would then whisper words of ’motivation.’

"If you are angry, don’t throw a tantrum. Do not let them see your real emotions."

"Mask yourself so no one can ever know your weakness."

"If they play you, play with them."

"If they are cruel, be more cruel."

These teachings seemed easy to say in words, but they were hard to put into action. She learned to keep her emotions in check and bottled up her rage, only to let it out when the opportunity arose.

She learned to endure, bear the pain, and grow amidst the storms. No one would help her aside from herself.

When Bei Sangyun became composed and unfeeling enough, she came to realize one thing:

How come in all the schemes she had suffered, her only ally, Lin Fei, never came to help her?

She had voiced this suspicions, and Lin Fei gave her the answer,

"If I helped you, you would never have become who you are now. Do you prefer being a naive, sheltered, helpless child like Lin Xiaoni? Or a smart, yet cold person such as yourself? I think you know the answer."

Bei Sangyun turned silent.

And that was when she realized;

’Ah, he knew all along that I needed his help. But he never did, even though he had the ability to. Because he wanted me to become this kind of person.’

However, Bei Sangyun never wanted to be who she was now.

She didn’t want to be a person who suffered nightmares every night, a person who couldn’t eat well or taste anything, a person who couldn’t trust anyone, or become a twisted person who wanted to destroy this family.

But...she was indeed grateful. Because of him, she was able to survive, although she was filled with scars inside.

However, that wasn’t the point that pushed Bei Sangyun to completely cut Lin Fei out of her life.

It was after a family dinner that she accidentally eavesdropped on Lin Sunji cursing Lin Fei. It turned out that in most of the schemes she had suffered, Lin Fei had a hand. He deliberately gave them suggestions while her foolish cousins put them into action.

Since the first time she arrived at the mansion, it was Lin Fei who gave Lin Sunji and Lin Xiaoni ideas to play tricks on her. And he constantly gave them schemes after that.

Bei Sangyun couldn’t believe what she heard and confronted Lin Fei about it.

She remembered what he said at that time.

Lin Fei shrugged, "Is that important? Those are just childish tricks compared to what you will face from now on. Just think of it as a warm-up. Now that you are showing your ability and gaining that old man’s attention, our uncles will throw bigger schemes that will be harder for you to survive. You should thank me for making you tough before it happens."

Bei Sangyun laughed ironically, "...Not important? Childish tricks?"

She thought back to those moments—how her hope for having a new loving family was cruelly crushed, how her cousins and relatives mocked and humiliated her in front of everyone. How the people she wanted to gain appreciation from looked at her with disapproval and loathing.

She was only a child back then. Those despairing emotions and traumas that still haunted her in her dreams were just ’child tricks’ in his eyes.

But what hurt the most was that the person she thought could at least be on the same side with her was actually the person who instigated everything.

He was probably laughing at her inside when she accepted him as her ally. He must have been mocking her as she put her trust in him.

Ah, Bei Sangyun finally realized.

"...From the very beginning, you were playing with me. Perhaps, I am not a person in your eyes, but your toy. Someone you can dress as you will, manipulate as you want, and fix the parts that you don’t want to."

Bei Sangyun gazed at him with hatred, "...Then watch me from now on. Watch closely as this toy of yours crushes this family, including you."

Ever since that incident, she never spoke to Lin Fei again.

Among the members of the Lin family, the first person who hurt her the most was her father. And secondly, Lin Fei.

Only then did Bei Sangyun realize that these people were able to hurt her because she treasured them once. But once she stopped treasuring other people, no one would be able to hurt her again.

And that is what she did for the rest of her life until she died.

However, despite her hatred towards Lin Fei, Bei Sangyun agreed that he was right. What he did by instigating Lin Sunji and Lin Xiaoni was indeed child’s play compared to the schemes the other branches threw her way.

So, in a way, Lin Fei had indeed helped her. Only after a lifetime had passed did she realize this, and thus she couldn’t truly, completely hate Lin Fei.

*****

After the incident at the family dinner, everyone thought Bei Sangyun would be summoned to the head master’s office to be scolded or, worse, given a punishment. However, her days were smooth.

That couldn’t be said for the third branch. Lin Ginxian was still fending off the attacks from the other two branches. With all three branches vying for power, the incident at the family dinner was forgotten for a while, including Bei Sangyun’s rude behavior.

Bei Sangyun was living her days smoothly. She went to school and waited for Fei Chuan to come. She would flirt and tease him from time to time, study at the library under Fei Chuan’s guidance, and after school, she would either go on dates or, if Fei Chuan had business to attend to, wait in a nearby coffee shop to do her own work.

But these smooth days had a thorn.

Amidst her dates, Lin Fei would suddenly show up, saying he was just passing by or had business nearby.

Seeing his face constantly, Bei Sangyun’s mood was ruined.

She was sure this person was deliberately appearing around them to ruin her dates!

At one point, Bei Sangyun couldn’t endure Lin Fei’s shamelessness any longer. After Fei Chuan left, she confronted Lin Fei.

"What is it that you want?"

Lin Fei played innocent, "I don’t think I understand what you mean. I was just really passing by."

"Don’t play dumb. You’ve been showing up lately. Why? Can’t you stomach it when I am happy? So you came to ruin my happy days?"

Lin Fei stared at her. He pondered for a long time before finally giving her an answer, "I am just curious. What have you seen in him that makes you want to gamble your life with him rather than return to my side? What benefit does he offer you over following me?"

Bei Sangyun scoffed, "Are you seriously asking that? Haven’t you seen it with your own eyes?"

Lin Fei tilted his head in wonder, not understanding what she meant.

Bei Sangyun’s gaze turned deep, "Fei Chuan can give me the happiness and comfort that I’ve wanted all my life. While you, on the other hand, only give me pain."

Lin Fei’s expression turned solemn, "I meant what I said back then. I didn’t help you even though I knew you badly needed my help because you had to learn how to stand on your own two feet. Can’t you see? You are able to overcome them without anyone’s help. You showed your true capability."

Bei Sangyun paused.

Ah, right. Before her return, she and Lin Fei had a big fight. She didn’t remember the cause; it must have been a scheme that Lin Sunji laid out for her. But it was then she realized that Lin Fei had the ability to help her overturn those schemes or prevent them in the first place, but he didn’t. He just watched from the sidelines.

At that time, she questioned whether he was really her ally. If he was, then why was he just watching from the side?

And that was when Lin Fei gave her the answer. An answer that hurt her but she had no choice but to accept.