Villain Hiring: Help! Author Wants Me Dead-Chapter 112: Relax

——————————

I cracked my neck, stretching my arms as I stood amidst the torture cells.

Blood pooled around my feet, seeping into the cracks of the stone floor. The air smelled of iron, sweat, and fear.

Ah.

Fear.

It was delicious.

The golden sigil in the air continued to glow faintly, marking the divine contract I had just signed, feeling a pressing weight down my very soul for a small minute before it vanished.

hmmm

It must be the effect of the sigil.

But honestly?

I couldn't care less.

Because right now?

I wanted a cigarette.

Sighing dramatically, I ran a hand through my messy black hair.

"Alright," I said, exhaling. "But before we continue—I want a cigarette."

The gods, who had been watching with their grand, divine judgment, suddenly seemed to freeze as the incoming messages stopped.

[System Alert: The gods are speechless.]

A moment of complete, absolute silence.

Then—

Laughter.

Deep, booming, genuine laughter echoed in my mind as the Serpent God finally spoke.

[God of Serpents: Good, good. I like you.]

Another notification popped up.

[The Serpent God just spent 1000 Credits to buy the user a divine cigarette!!]

Do you accept the gift?

[Yes/No]

I blinked.

Wait.

He actually—what?

I expected some cryptic, godly bullshit like: "Cigarettes are a mortal vice unfit for a soul such as yours," but this guy actually bought me one.

Oh, I like him.

"Well," I muttered, grinning. "Would be rude to refuse, huh?"

I tapped 'Yes.'

Just then, a bright flash of light appeared—

A perfectly rolled cigarette appeared between my fingers and a sleek silver lighter accompanied it, shining with detailed craftsmanship.

I stared at them, deeply touched.

"Damn," I whispered. "Even divine cigarettes are high quality."

I placed it between my lips, flicked the lighter open with a smooth snap, and let the flame dance at the tip.

The familiar burn filled my lungs.

I exhaled slowly, letting the smoke curl through the bloodstained air.

"Ahh," I sighed, my entire body relaxing. "Now this is the kind of divine intervention I can get behind."

The gods? They were still watching.

Damien? Oh, he must be shaking.

And me?

I was having the best time of my life.

***

I turned to look at the woman's lifeless form, my lips trailing up.

Her eyes, once filled with hope, now stared blankly at nothing, the remaining part of her existence siphoned into my own.

Her soul was delicious-

Not the best meal I've ever had, but still, a meal.

R𝑒ad lat𝒆st chapt𝒆rs at free𝑤ebnovel.com Only.

Taking another slow drag of my cigarette, I exhaled it through my nose.

Turning on my heel, I walked away from the blood-soaked walls of this torture chamber.

The gods were still watching.

Judging.

Probably trying to decide if I was a menace to society or their new favorite entertainment.

Either way, I wasn't stopping now.

Ding!

A system message popped up in my vision.

[Soul Power +4]

[Total Soul Power: 384]

Oh? Not bad.

I flicked the cigarette, watching the ashes scatter onto the bloodied floor.

Then, stretching my arms over my head, I made way towards the winding staircase.

The heavy scent of death still hung in the surroundings, but honestly?

I liked it a bit-

My steps were almost casual and happy as I continued smoking this divine beauty.

The stairs creaked under my boots as I climbed further down.

Each step hummed with a strange energy, like the stones themselves remembered the deaths that had occurred here.

Not that it bothered me.

I had my own plans.

Master Kinlaid, the one running this shady assassination hall, had probably prepared a warm welcome for me.

I could feel it in the air—the tension, the bloodlust.

They were waiting.

They knew I was coming.

And that?

That made it even more fun.

Damien, my ever-suffering system, finally spoke up.

"Noah. Noah, wait. You are not seriously about to walk in there without a plan, are you?"

I smiled. "Oh, Damien. You underestimate me. Of course, I have a plan."

"...Really?"

"Yes!! The plan is murder."

I could almost feel this pussy System's hand twitching,

"That's not a plan, you bitch!

That's a crime!"

I chuckled, flicking the cigarette away as I stepped onto the final stair.

Before me stood a tall, heavy iron door, rusted at the edges but still strong. The mana behind it was thick, like a heavy storm waiting to break.

Mages.

Warriors.

Killers.

All of them were waiting for me.

A wide grin stretched across my face.

"The world could drown me in blood for all I care—"

I kicked the door open.

The air buzzed with mana, the torches flickering with blue flames along with a dozen assassins waiting for me in formation, their eyes locked onto me.

Mages, their robes heavy with embroidered sigils, stood just behind the assassins and warriors, their hands glowing with spell circles.

Their gazes weren't filled with fear.

No, unlike the weaklings I had crushed before—these guys were ready to kill me.

A tall man stepped forward.

"Are you the one who killed our comrades above?"

His arms were covered in carved runes, etched into his skin like a living spellbook.

The man hid his face behind a metal mask, but his sharp, unwavering eyes spoke volumes.

I gestured to the blood on my robe, shaking my head as if I was actually disappointed.

"Killed? That's a bit dramatic, don't you think? I'd say I just… gave them early retirement."

The room fell into a heavy silence.

Even the assassins, trained killers, hesitated.

The masked leader in front of me narrowed his eyes.

It seemed like he was debating whether to draw a weapon or just strangle me for my stupidity.

The room went deathly still.

Then—

Mana flared.

The warriors tightened their stances. The mages raised their hands.

A slow, deliberate circle began to form around me.

Were they planning to trap me?

Damiens' eyes must have widened as he read the next thought that came to my mind.

Hehh

'I never was like the innocent Noah. ehh, Damien?'

'Even before you had been forcefully fused in my mind and Noah had awakened these powers-

I was present inside the boy ever since his parents died.

The day Dragneel and Mara died, something inside Noah was killed as well.

And what came to fill that place was me.

The psychotic, cruel, lazy Noah.

I was there when he was first ousted from his house.

I was there when kids back in that small city used to bully him.

If Noah is the light that has always screamed innocence, then I am the pure manifestation of his evil waiting inside him.

"Book of Sin this, Book of Sin that.... Bla Bla Bla-"

"This Noah you have started to like so much?

He was supposed to die when Sylvie was killed by Sovak.

And this so-called villain, that bastard of an author, and you want to make?

That had always been me."

Feeling amused at how this first-generation system had gone numb with all my info dump, I smiled.

All the assassins around me rushed to my figure, surrounding me in a circle.

I took a deep breath, rolling my neck.

My fingers itched.

My heart pounded-

Finally.

Something worth fighting.

Damien's voice cracked in my head, full of caution as if he was trying his best not to trigger me.

Lmao

"Noah. Noah, listen to me. I don't get it."

"If the 'innocent' Noah, as you call him, was supposed to die when his grandma was killed and you were supposed to take over, then now that the events have changed and this so-called innocent personality still lives-"

The first warrior, a towering mass of muscle, charged, cutting off whatever this sentient system was going to say.

I saw the bulk of the man's muscle bulge as his magic ignited.

"Strength enhancement." The man let out, his voice soft.

A punch strong enough to crack a stone boulder came at me.

Normally, the other Noah would've dodged.

He'd weave around the attack, land a counter, maybe throw in a dramatic smirk while flipping his dagger around like an action movie star.

But me?

I dropped my dagger.

Just, let it go.

The clatter of metal against stone was so loud that everybody in the room froze.

The warrior, mid-punch, stopped completely.

Even the masked leader blinked. "What…?"

"NOAH. NOAH, WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!" Damien fucking screamed into my ears.

Ufff

"You panic too much for a so-called System, Damien" I smiled, stretching my fingers. "Relax."

"RELAX?! YOU DROPPED YOUR WEAPON!"

"Yeah, I won't be needing it."

Damien sounded like he was about to pass out, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON'T BE NEEDING IT?! ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE?!"

"Chill, man. I know you don't believe it... but out of everyone in this world, I want to protect my innocent self's smile the most."

Completely ignoring what the system seemed to be on about next, I focused back to the big chunk of a warrior speeding at my figure.

"Gluttony."

***