[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 135: Love is a weakness

Ryder quietly dressed himself, buttoning up his shirt and fastening his belt. He didn’t meet Noah’s eyes after that question, avoiding the soft gaze that followed his every action. His work was done. He has Ash’s address.

Noah, still lying in bed, watched him with growing confusion. The excitement that had filled his chest just moments ago was beginning to dissipate, replaced by a gnawing unease.

"Ryder, where are you going?" Noah asked softly, sitting up, his voice trembling slightly.

Ryder didn’t answer immediately, simply grabbing his jacket. Noah frowned, slipping out of bed and quickly following him, his bare feet padding softly against the floor. He reached out, gently catching Ryder’s arm.

"Wait...you’re leaving already?" he asked, a hint of desperation in his tone. "I thought...I thought you’d stay tonight."

Ryder paused, his back still to Noah. He took a breath, but didn’t turn around. "I have something to do," he said, his voice flat, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Noah blinked, confusion deepening. "But..." His voice faltered, and he took a step closer. "You said you’d give me an answer. About...us."

Ryder stayed silent, his hand gripping the doorknob as if contemplating whether or not to walk out right then. Noah’s heart began to race. Something wasn’t right. He could feel it—an icy knot of dread forming in the pit of his stomach.

"Ryder," Noah called, his voice firmer now. He reached out and pressed his hand to Ryder’s chest, halting him. His delicate fingers trembled slightly as they rested against the fabric of Ryder’s shirt. "You can’t just leave without answering me."

Ryder finally turned, his eyes meeting Noah’s. He looked down at the man standing before him—the way Noah’s soft, honey-brown eyes were filled with uncertainty, his bottom lip caught between his teeth, and his smooth skin flushed from their earlier intimacy. Noah’s beauty had always been effortless, a fragile kind of innocence that Ryder found both endearing and frustrating. He could see the fear in Noah’s eyes now, the kind that made Ryder feel like the worst kind of bastard.

For a long moment, Ryder just stared at him. He could feel Noah’s heart pounding beneath his hand, and for a brief second, he considered walking out without saying anything, sparing them both the conversation that was about to unfold. But he couldn’t leave it hanging like this. He had to tell him.

Noah’s voice broke through the silence. "Ryder...please," he whispered, his eyes pleading. "Don’t leave before you answer me. I need to know."

Ryder exhaled slowly, his jaw tightening. "Noah..." His voice was low, and he hesitated before continuing. "What we have right now—it’s fine the way it is. This is...this is what I like."

Noah’s brow furrowed, confusion washing over his delicate features. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Ryder said carefully, "what we have—going out, having fun, and, yeah, having sex—it works. It’s simple. There’s no need to complicate things by putting labels on it."

Noah blinked, his chest tightening, a growing sense of dread clawing at him. "But...we’re not just..." He trailed off, his words catching in his throat. His pulse was pounding in his ears now.

Ryder saw the way Noah’s eyes widened in disbelief, and a small part of him hated himself for this. But he kept going. "It’s better this way," Ryder said, his tone flat, almost emotionless. "No feelings involved. Just...having a good time without all the drama. I’m sorry if I led you on. I should’ve made it clear from the beginning."

Noah’s heart was hammering against his ribs. "Why are you telling me this now?" he asked, his voice breaking slightly. "Why now, after everything? Don’t you...don’t you like me?"

Ryder’s expression didn’t change. "I never said I liked you, Noah."

Noah’s world came crashing down. "W-What?" he breathed, his voice barely a whisper.

"I mean, I like you when it comes to the sex. You’re fun to be around, I enjoy spending time with you. But beyond that...I don’t want more. Feelings...they just ruin things."

Noah felt like he’d been slapped across the face, but Ryder’s words hit him harder than any physical blow could. His breath hitched in his throat, and suddenly the room felt too small, the air too thin.

"Ryder..." Noah began, but he didn’t know what to say.

Before he could process it, Ryder was still talking. "I’m sorry, Noah. I never meant for you to feel like this, but I can’t give you what you want. I–"

And then, something inside Noah snapped. Without thinking, his hand flew across Ryder’s face, the sound of the slap echoing in the room. The sharp, stinging pain in his palm barely registered as silence fell between them.

Ryder froze, stunned, his cheek red from the impact. Noah stood there, his chest heaving, his vision blurring as hot tears welled up in his eyes. His scalp prickled, his entire body trembling as if it were falling apart from the inside.

He felt...numb.

His knees buckled, and before he knew it, he had fallen to the ground, unable to support the weight of everything crashing over him. His breath came in shallow gasps as he stared blankly at the floor. His mind was spinning, too much to process, too much to feel.

Ryder didn’t move. He just stood there, the sting of Noah’s slap lingering on his skin, but the real impact was far deeper.

Noah choked back a sob, his hands trembling as they rested on his thighs. His voice came out broken. "I...I thought you loved me..."

Ryder looked down at him, his face devoid of emotion, his chest tightening with guilt. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

Noah had never felt so small, so fragile, so utterly shattered. The room around him seemed to spin, and for the first time in his life, he realised what it felt like to be truly heartbroken.

Ryder hesitated for a moment, seeing Noah collapse on the floor, a mess of trembling limbs and broken sobs. His heart clenched at the sight, and for the first time, a pang of guilt gnawed at him more deeply than before. He crouched down, reaching out to touch Noah’s shoulder, his fingers brushing the fabric of his shirt.

"Noah, come on...I didn’t mean for it to be like this. Just—"

But Noah jerked back violently, shoving Ryder’s hand away as if it burned him. His tear-streaked face twisted with rage and pain. "Get lost!" he shouted, his voice hoarse, his body trembling as he scrambled to his feet. "Don’t touch me!"

Ryder flinched. He hadn’t expected this. His brows furrowed as he straightened up, unsure of what to do. He had thought Noah just needed a moment to process things. Once the shock wore off, Ryder assumed Noah would calm down, that they’d go back to what they were before—casual, uncomplicated.

"Noah, listen—"

"No! Don’t you dare say another word!" Noah screamed, his chest heaving, his eyes red and swollen from crying. He glared at Ryder with a mixture of betrayal and fury, his delicate features twisted in a way Ryder had never seen before. The raw emotion in Noah’s eyes sent a chill down Ryder’s spine. "I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, Ryder. I don’t want to see you again!" ƒгeewebnovёl.com

Ryder blinked, stunned. "What? Noah, don’t be like that—"

"Get out!" Noah’s voice cracked, but his anger burned brighter than his tears. He pointed towards the door, his hand shaking violently. "Never come back! I don’t ever want to see your face again! Why did you even come back today?! Just to fuck me! Just to use me as a toy one last time! I hate you! Get lost!"

Ryder’s eyes widened. This wasn’t how he expected things to go. Sure, he knew Noah would be upset, maybe even hurt, but he figured it would blow over. Noah would calm down, and they’d go back to their arrangement—friends with benefits, no strings attached. But this? Noah throwing him out, telling him to stay away for good? That wasn’t what Ryder had planned. He was stunned, frozen in place.

"Noah...you don’t mean that," Ryder said slowly, trying to keep his voice calm. "You just need some time. I’ll come back later, and we can talk about this. You’ll understand, it’s—"

Noah’s eyes narrowed into a painful, searing glare, and for a moment, Ryder felt like he was looking at a completely different person. The softness, the vulnerability he had seen earlier in Noah’s expression was gone, replaced by a cold fury Ryder hadn’t expected.

"I said get out." Noah’s voice was dangerously low, his hands balled into fists. "If you come back...I swear to God, Ryder, I’ll make you regret it. Never show me your face again."

The intensity in Noah’s voice, the raw anger, caught Ryder off guard. His mouth opened, but no words came out. For once, he was at a loss, unsure of how to respond. Noah wasn’t pleading with him to stay, wasn’t begging for them to work things out. Instead, he was pushing Ryder out of his life completely.

Ryder stared at him for a long moment, unable to fully grasp the finality in Noah’s words. Slowly, he nodded, his expression unreadable. He didn’t say anything as he turned and walked out of the apartment, the door closing behind him with a soft click.

The moment Ryder was gone, Noah crumpled to the floor, his entire body shaking with uncontrollable sobs. He pressed his hands to his face, tears streaming through his fingers. The pain was suffocating, so overwhelming that he felt like he couldn’t breathe. His chest ached, his heart felt like it was being ripped apart piece by piece.

"How could he do this to me?" Noah whispered, his voice barely audible as he stared at the floor, tears spilling onto his lap. His body trembled uncontrollably, his breathing coming in sharp, uneven gasps. "How could he...?"

But then a small, bitter laugh escaped his lips, and Noah wiped the tears from his face with trembling hands. It wasn’t Ryder who was at fault, was it? No. It was him. He had let his guard down, allowed himself to believe in something that was never real. Ryder had shown him from the very beginning what kind of person he was.

From day one, Ryder had told him who he was. A man who didn’t have feelings. A man who didn’t believe in love or relationships. And yet, Noah—like a fool—had convinced himself that he could change that. He had blinded himself, ignored every red flag, all because his heart was too stupid to see the truth.

"How could I be so stupid?" Noah whispered to himself. His fingers clutched at the sheets, his knuckles white.

For two years, he had been nothing but a plaything. Ryder had never loved him, never cared for him beyond what they did in bed. Every kiss, every touch—it had all been meaningless. How could he have let himself fall so deeply, so blindly, into something that was never real?

Noah’s breath hitched as another sob wracked his body. He wiped at his tears again, but more kept coming, as if the floodgates had been ripped open. He felt dirty. Used. Every moment they had spent together replayed in his mind, tainted by the realization that, to Ryder, none of it had mattered.

"Never again," he whispered to himself, his voice shaking as he clenched his fists. "I’ll never love anyone again. Never let anyone get close enough to break me like this."

The tears kept falling, but Noah’s resolve hardened with each one. He would never allow himself to be that vulnerable again.

Love is a weakness—a vulnerability that others could exploit. And from now on, he would never let anyone make him weak again.

Never.