[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 137: As long as he’s mine

Ryder sat at his desk, staring blankly at the papers spread out before him. His secretary, Claire, droned on about some meeting with investors, her voice a dull hum in the background.

Ryder’s fingers tapped restlessly on the polished wood surface, his gaze unfocused, lost somewhere far beyond the numbers and contracts in front of him. He should have been listening. These meetings were important, crucial even. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t focus.

Noah’s face kept flashing in his mind—those anxious eyes, wide and scared, the way they had filled with tears when Ryder had broken his heart. The memory hit him like a gut punch, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Why the hell couldn’t he stop thinking about him?

"Mr. Ryder, are you listening?" Claire’s voice cut through his thoughts, pulling him back to the present. She raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response.

He blinked, forcing himself to sit up straighter. "Yeah, I’m listening. Go on," he muttered, though the words felt hollow.

But as she continued, her voice faded again, and Ryder found himself back in that moment—standing at Noah’s door, seeing those fragile features twisted in pain. His heart clenched, and he cursed silently under his breath. It was ridiculous, how much space Noah took up in his head, how even the smallest detail reminded him of the man he’d tried so hard to forget.

Claire slid a file across the desk, pointing to something inside, but Ryder barely glanced at it. His mind was miles away.

He remembered Noah’s smile, that rare, genuine smile that always seemed to light up his whole face. The way his eyes would soften when they were alone, when it was just the two of them, and for a brief moment, Ryder had allowed himself to believe that maybe...could keep things simple.

But he had been wrong.

"Mr. Ryder? The presentation?" Claire’s voice pulled him back again, and this time, she sounded a little annoyed.

Ryder rubbed a hand over his face, nodding as if he understood what she was saying, though he had no idea what she’d just said. "Yeah, I’ll look at it later," he mumbled.

Claire gave him a puzzled look, clearly noticing his distraction, but she didn’t press. She stood up to leave, gathering her notes and the file.

As she left, Ryder leaned back in his chair, exhaling sharply. What’s wrong with me? He wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to care this much. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Noah—how he had pushed Ryder away, told him never to come back. That look in Noah’s eyes when he said it...it haunted him.

A few days later, Ryder found himself sitting in yet another meeting, though this time it was with potential business partners. The room buzzed with conversation, but Ryder’s thoughts were elsewhere, his attention drifting in and out as people discussed numbers, contracts, and future plans.

His heart wasn’t in it. He kept seeing Noah—flashes of him smiling, laughing, then breaking, tears spilling down his cheeks. It gnawed at Ryder, an ache that refused to go away.

The man sitting across from him gestured towards a document, expecting Ryder’s input, but Ryder barely looked at it.

"Mr. Ryder?" the man asked, clearly waiting for a response.

Ryder blinked, realizing he hadn’t heard a word the man had said. His pulse quickened, irritation bubbling beneath the surface. He hated feeling like this—distracted, out of control. He wasn’t supposed to be hung up on anyone. ƒrēewebnoѵёl.cσm

"Yeah, yeah, just...give me a moment," Ryder muttered, running a hand over his face. He couldn’t focus.

Ryder’s chest tightened. Why does it hurt so much?

He had done the right thing. He had ended it before it got any worse, before things spiraled out of control. Feelings complicated everything.

But now, sitting here, drowning in the weight of his own thoughts, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Maybe what they had was already too far gone. Maybe it wasn’t just about the sex or the easy connection. Maybe...it had always been more than that.

"Mr. Ryder, are you okay?" someone else asked, their voice filled with concern.

Ryder looked up, startled. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been silent, his gaze unfocused.

"Yeah...I’m fine," he muttered, though even he didn’t believe it. He wasn’t fine.

And for the first time in his life, Ryder wondered if maybe he wasn’t as in control as he thought. Maybe Noah had changed something in him—something he wasn’t ready to face.

Ryder stood at the window of his office, looking out at the city skyline but not really seeing it. His mind was too preoccupied, his thoughts tangled with memories of Noah—Noah’s teary eyes, the pain written all over his delicate features, and the finality in his words when he told Ryder never to come back.

It had been days, and yet Ryder couldn’t shake the image from his head.

Claire entered the office, a stack of files in her hands that needed his signature. Ryder turned when he heard the door click, watching her move to his desk.

Instead of signing, he leaned against the desk, the question tumbling out before he could stop it. "Claire, can I ask you something?"

Claire looked up, mildly surprised. "Of course, Mr. Ryder. What’s on your mind?"

Ryder hesitated for a second, unsure how to frame it, but then the words came. "If someone confessed to you...you know, said they had feelings for you...what do you think was going through their head?"

Claire blinked, taken aback by the sudden shift in the conversation. Then, with a gentle smile, she answered, "I think the person must’ve thought long and hard about it. Confessing isn’t easy. They probably felt nervous, maybe even scared, but also hopeful that the person they were confessing to might feel the same."

Ryder stiffened, her words hitting a little too close to home. Nervous. Scared. Hopeful. Was that what Noah had been feeling when he’d looked up at him with those wide, vulnerable eyes, asking why Ryder was telling him all this? He felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

He swallowed hard. "And...what if two people had a, uh, more casual relationship—like friends with benefits—but they stopped seeing each other, and one of them couldn’t get the other out of their head? What would that mean?"

Claire’s brows furrowed for a moment, but then understanding dawned in her eyes. "So, that’s why you’ve been distracted lately," she said softly. Ryder’s gaze flicked away, a small flush of discomfort rising up his neck.

Claire chuckled lightly. "If they were just fuck buddies and stopped seeing each other, what’s the big deal? That’s the arrangement, right? No strings attached."

Ryder perked up, nodding quickly. "Exactly! That’s what I’m saying!" His tone was a little too eager, as if seeking reassurance that this mess didn’t mean something more.

"But then...what if one of them wanted to label it? One of them confessed, but the other doesn’t want it."

Claire nodded slowly, her expression thoughtful. "Well, if the other person isn’t feeling the same, they shouldn’t feel pressured to reciprocate. It’s okay not to want more than what they had."

Ryder exhaled in relief, nodding along with her words. "Right, exactly. No one should be pressured into—"

"But," Claire interrupted, her voice a little firmer, "the person who confessed might eventually move on. Feelings fade, and if the two stop seeing each other, they’ll probably find someone else to be with."

Ryder’s heart skipped a beat. "Wait, what?" His voice came out sharper than intended.

Claire looked at him, nonchalant. "Yeah. If they were just fuck buddies and now it’s over, they’ll move on. Find someone who wants more and ready for love and not just sex. It will just take some but it’s not impossible."

Ryder’s jaw clenched. The thought of Noah with someone else—of Noah looking at someone else with those wide, innocent eyes, of another person seeing his beautiful, naked body, hearing those soft moans, watching his face contort with pleasure—it made Ryder’s blood run cold. His heart thudded painfully in his chest.

No. He couldn’t imagine it. He didn’t want to imagine it.

Ryder straightened, his voice strained. "And...what if the other person doesn’t want them to move on?"

Claire arched an eyebrow, a hint of confusion in her eyes. "Then that’s just selfish, don’t you think? If you’re not willing to accept the feelings, but you don’t want the person to move on...that’s not fair. Either confess back or let them go."

Ryder felt like he’d been hit by a truck. Selfish. Was that what he was being? He wanted Noah, needed him even—but not in the way Noah wanted. Not with labels, not with the complications of feelings.

But at the same time, the thought of Noah moving on to someone else...it made his skin crawl. His jaw tightened.

"Confess back or let them go..." Claire’s words echoed in his mind.

Was he really willing to let Noah go? To see him fall in love with someone else, share what they had with another person? Could he stand to lose him like that?

His heart pounded painfully at the thought, and for the first time, Ryder didn’t know what the hell to do.

The idea of someone else coming into Noah’s life, stealing him away, seeing that shy smile, hearing his laughter—no, it was unbearable. His breath hitched, his fingers tightening around the edge of his desk. The thought of Noah’s lips pressing against someone else’s, of Noah’s hands tangled in another man’s hair—it made his stomach twist painfully.

No...he wasn’t ready for that. He couldn’t let Noah go. He wouldn’t.

Maybe he did love Noah. Maybe that was the word for this suffocating feeling in his chest, the sudden panic that clawed at him every time he imagined Noah with someone else.

It wasn’t a word Ryder was used to, not something he ever thought he’d allow himself to feel, but whatever this was—it was enough to drive him mad. And maybe that’s what love was supposed to feel like.

But even if he wasn’t sure, even if the idea of love scared him, one thing was clear: he couldn’t lose Noah.

Noah wanted to label it? Fine. Ryder didn’t care what the label was, as long as Noah was his. As long as Noah stayed with him, called him his—Ryder didn’t mind. He could let Noah name their relationship whatever he wanted, so long as it meant Noah wouldn’t walk away.

He swallowed hard, his decision solidifying in his mind. Noah wasn’t going to leave him. He wouldn’t let him.

Whatever it took, whatever name Noah needed to feel secure in their relationship—Ryder would give it to him.

As long as Noah stays, as long as he’s mine...I don’t care what we call it.