[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 57: I will help him

Elijah’s pov ;

Do I hate him?

As I gazed into his eyes, my mind raced with emotions and thoughts that didn’t match. It would be so easy to say yes, to blame him for everything that had happened. But the truth was clear as day- I didn’t hate him. I could never hate him.

Sure, I was angry and hurt. I wanted answers and closure, but deep down, he was too important, too precious, and too fragile for me to harbor any hatred towards him.

"I don’t hate you," I murmured softly, my fingers gently caressing his cheek. His gorgeous brown eyes searched mine for any trace of deceit.

"But...I thought-" He seemed unsure, his brow furrowing in confusion. I held his gaze firmly, allowing my eyes to convey the unspoken words and emotions that swirled inside me.

I silenced him by placing a finger on his soft lips. "Shhh...just listen to me," I whispered, willing him to understand the depth of my feelings without having to utter a single word.

As he lay on top of me, his warm breaths began to synchronize with mine, creating a comforting rhythm that calmed my racing heart. The sterile smell of the hospital room mixed with the scent of his skin as I continued to caress his back, trying to find the right words to express the emotional turmoil stirring inside me. The only sounds were the faint hum of machinery and our steady breathing, providing a sense of solace in the midst of chaos.

I took a deep breath and summoned all my courage. "Ash," I began, gazing into his confident eyes that made my stomach flutter. "I...I don’t know how to say this."

He shifted slightly, his gaze never leaving mine, and I felt a rush of nerves at his closeness. "Say what?" His voice was hoarse from all the screaming and crying, but there was a gentleness to it that tugged at my heartstrings.

I fidgeted with his hair as I tried to put my thoughts into words. "I’ve been thinking a lot...about us. About everything that’s happened."

The tension in his body was noticeable, but he remained silent, waiting for me to continue.

I hesitated, unsure of where to begin. My thoughts were jumbled, tangled, and twisted like a mess of wires. Frustration seeped into my voice as I tried to put words to my conflicting emotions.

His fingers tightened their grip on my shirt, a wordless gesture urging me to continue.

"I’ve harbored such deep resentment towards you for so long," I confessed, the bitterness of my words almost palpable. "I blamed you for everything that went wrong in my life which wasn’t a lie. I accused you of cheating or trying to replace me with someone new. But as I watched you from a distance, I realized how wrong I was. And now, seeing you like this, so vulnerable...it’s messing with my head."

He looked at me skeptically, his eyes searching mine for answers. "Elijah, I—"

"Please, let me finish," I interjected gently. "I can’t deny that there’s still a lingering anger inside of me. I can’t just forget about what happened to my pa--forget it. But at the same time, seeing you suffer and struggle, it hurts me in ways I can’t even explain."

I paused for a moment, watching for any reaction from him but all I saw was confusion etched across his face.

"You were right," I admitted with a sigh. "I have been too kind to you lately. And it’s because despite everything, despite all the pain and anger...I still care about you. I want you by my side."

His eyes widened in shock. Suddenly, I began to feel awkward under his gaze. Fuck, I’ve never been good at expressing my emotions.

He looked shocked hearing my words, which was expected since I barely used this tone and words like this with him. His eyes widened, and he seemed to search my face for any hint of deceit or ulterior motive. But I felt like it would be too soon to confess that I like him. He would probably think I was pranking him or making a new plan.

"I know this is hard to believe," I said softly, trying to reach out to him. "But I mean it. I don’t hate you."

His expression hardened, and he slowly shook his head profusely. The pain and disbelief was obvious in his eyes. "Elijah, you can’t just say things like that and expect me to believe you. You’ve always hated me. How could you suddenly decide not to?"

My heart broke at his reaction, but I stayed silent, knowing that words alone wouldn’t be enough and I could only show him through my actions. I never expected that I would really fall in love with him when I made this plan to trick him into falling for me and then leave him. But here I was, feeling a depth of emotion I hadn’t anticipated.

He got up from me but stayed on top of me, his hands resting on my chest for support, and looked at me with sad eyes. "Why are you trying to give me false hopes, Elijah? I know how much you dislike me. I’ve experienced it."

His words cut deep, and I felt a pang of guilt. He had every right to doubt me. I had given him no reason to believe in my sincerity now. "Ash, I’m not trying to hurt you," I said quietly. "I just...I want to be there for you. I want to help you."

He still shook his head, clearly unconvinced. Before I could say anything else, the door suddenly opened. It was the doctor and a nurse. They looked at our position awkwardly.

"The drip needed to be changed." The nurse told us. Ash blushed and awkwardly slid off my lap.

As the nurse began her work on him, the doctor turned to me. "Mr. Elijah, have you decided? Will you keep Ash in the hospital for therapy? Should we start the preparations?"

Before I could respond, Ash’s head snapped up with shock. "What are you talking about?" he demanded, his voice rising in panic.

Shit!

My heart lurched as I was caught off guard by the doctor’s words. I should have remembered to tell him not to discuss these things in front of Ash, knowing how much he despised hospitals.

"Ash, calm down," I started, but he did not let me finish. His eyes were filled with a fiery rage that burned through me.

"Do you think I’m crazy?!" he shouted. "Is that why you’re acting so nice to me? So that I’ll agree to this?! It’s your plan to hurt me again for your fucking revenge or whatever you call it! Do you think I’m..ugh–" he clutched his head, face twisting in pain. "I’m..I’m a f-fool–"

"Ash, listen to me dammit! You’ll hurt yourself–" I tried to explain, panic rising in my chest as I saw the familiar signs of an episode beginning.

He yanked the needle out of his hand, blood spurting from the wound. "Ash, stop!" I yelled in fright, rushing to his side as the nurse stepped back in shock.

He glared at me with an accusing look. "Y-You must have found out from the investigation that I have a phobia from hospitals so now you’re trying to hurt me...using it!"

"Ash, listen to me," I let out loudly, trying to approach him while glancing between his bloody hand and his face. "You’re not crazy. You’re just going through a lot, and you need help. I’m not trying to hurt you, hun. Listen to me baby," I tried to touch his hand but he slapped it away while crying but I gripped it anyway. "Come to me, darling."

"Get away from me!" he screamed, his voice straining with desperation. His body convulsed in my grasp as he fought against me hard and wildly. The pain in his expression was unbearable, each tear that fell from his eyes shattered my heart into pieces. "You’re a liar!" he accused, struggling harder. "You hate me and I know it!"

My throat tightened at the sight of his torment. He seemed to be drowning in his own emotions, his breathing erratic and unstable.

"I don’t want to be here," he sobbed, his shoulders shaking violently. "I don’t want this! I’m scared!" His words were choked out through gasping sobs, and I could feel the weight of his fear crashing down on him. "Please don’t hurt me! I can’t take it anymore!"

Tears streaked down his face in rivers, leaving wet trails against his flushed cheeks. As he continued to struggle against me, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close to my chest. His small frame shook with every sob, and at that moment, all I wanted was to take away all of his pain and hold him tight until it disappeared.

"I won’t leave you alone," I reassured him, my hand gently stroking his hair. Tears welled up in my own eyes as I gazed at his small, trembling form. I held him dearly and longingly, trying to ease his body and mind with my embrace.

Slowly, his struggles began to subside, but he still trembled in my arms, reminding me of just how fragile he was. I nodded at the nurse, and she carefully reinserted the IV drip, her movements were also gentle and precise for which I was thankful.

Rocking him gently back and forth, I continued to hold him close until he finally drifted off to sleep, his small breaths becoming even and steady against my chest allowing me to let out the breath I was afraid to let out.

But one thing was certain--helping him through this won’t be an easy task for me.