[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 58: Can I leave him?

Ash’s POV ;

He thinks that I’m a freak. He must be thinking I’m insane, like all the others do.

"You’re out of your mind." freeweɓnovel.cѳm

"Stay away from us, you freak."

"Why don’t you just kill yourself?"

"Don’t even come near me or my child."

"We don’t want our kids anywhere near you."

"Keep your distance from my sister, she doesn’t need to be influenced by someone like you."

The voices taunted and tormented me, their words slicing through my mind with each passing second.

And now Elijah would also join in on the chorus with them.

He views me as a mentally ill outcast, a psychopath deemed unfit for society. The mere thought sent shivers down my spine and caused my chest to tighten in fear. I could feel the walls of my mind threatening to crumble and entrap me once again.

Being locked up in a hospital, alone and scared, was the last thing I wanted. The memories of that time still haunts me, it has left a permanent scar on my psyche. And I definitely didn’t want him to see me with such pity in his eyes, like some broken creature in need of fixing.

I had grown accustomed to the way people treated me, their looks filled with disgust and fear. But hearing it from Elijah made it so much more painful.

Sure, I knew I wasn’t entirely stable, that something inside me was fractured. But I refused to believe I was crazy or a monster. I’m just...damaged.

For as long as I can remember, I have been conditioned to accept every pain that comes with being different. The stares and whispers have followed me through my childhood and into my adult life, forming a constant background noise that I have learned to tune out.

But now, faced with the possibility of Elijah, someone who holds importance in my heart, seeing me in this vulnerable state, a sharp ache pierces my chest.

My mind is torn between two conflicting thoughts- is he genuinely sorry for me or is he planning something? Trust has never come easily to me, especially when it comes to someone like him who harbours strong feelings of hatred towards me.

In an effort to control my emotions, my hands instinctively curl into tight fists, my nails digging deep into my palms. A lone tear slips down my cheek, quickly followed by another and then another. Before I know it, the floodgates open and I am overcome with heavy sobs, my entire body trembling from the sheer force of my emotions.

But I hastily wipe away the tears before they can soak his shirt and wake him up, not wanting to burden him any further with my agony.

As I gazed upon his slumbering figure, my heart ached. His handsome face was softened in sleep, devoid of the hate and anger that had become so familiar to me now. He looked like a different person entirely– innocent, gentle, and oh so vulnerable. A small part of me wished for this moment to last forever.

My fingers lightly brushed against his smooth lips, tenderly tracing their contours. It was hard to believe that these gentle lips belonged to the same person who had inflicted endless pain and humiliation upon me.

Continuing my exploration, I trailed my fingertips down his neck, feeling comfort at the warmth radiating from his skin. My hand eventually came to rest on his chest, feeling the continuous beat of his heart. Its rhythmic thump provided a sense of ease and solace unlike anything else.

Despite everything, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that deep down he didn’t hate me, that there was a chance for us to be together without violence or deceit. But how could I trust him when every interaction between us had been built upon lies?

I remember how I gathered enough strength and made the impulsive decision to confess my feelings and reveal the truth behind those damning photos. It was a risky move, but I was willing to take the chance.

However, I don’t have that energy anymore. I expected that he would laugh and reject me after I confessed but now seeing him being nice and affectionate towards me. I can’t decide what he’s really planning and what’s his true intention.

If ever later he changed again and began to insult and shame me like before. It will hurt much more than any other pain.

I won’t be able to bear that so I should not confess to him at all. My mental state is already fragile after the events of yesterday. How can I expect him to understand and accept me when I am struggling to understand and accept myself? These painful memories seem to haunt me endlessly, and I fear they may never truly leave me.

Before another episode consumes me, I know I must distance myself from Elijah. I cannot risk him witnessing my struggles and seeing me as something less than who I truly am.

As I gaze at him one last time, taking in his handsome features, I realise that I will never find anyone like him. He stirs up a whirlwind of emotions within me that no one else ever could.

I used to believe that I would never be able to escape from that night and it’s haunting memories. But while living by Elijah’s side, even for just a short time, they were momentarily forgotten. Those shadows and scary nightmares seem to be scared of him.

Despite his harsh and abusive demeanor, Elijah is the kindest man I have ever encountered.

Despite his unawareness, I flourished under his care. My father must have known that I would thrive with him, which is why he chose him for me. Even though Elijah never realized it, his presence alone brought me comfort and stability.

But now, as I lay in this hospital bed with him by my side, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of suspicion. Was he really here to help me or did he have ulterior motives?

"Thank you for everything," I whispered, leaning down to press a soft kiss against his forehead. A single tear escaped my eye as I whispered my goodbye to Elijah.

Slowly, I climbed out of the bed and made my way towards the dresser to change into normal clothes. I had to leave before he found out. My heart raced as memories flooded back of being locked up in hospitals during darker times.

As I changed, my hands trembled and tears streamed down my face. I had no plan, no idea where I was going, but one thing was certain: I couldn’t stay here any longer. It was time for me to start over and find a way to survive on my own.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally managed to slip into my clothes and prepare myself for the day ahead. With a heavy heart, I gazed down at Elijah’s peaceful sleeping form, feeling a deep ache in my chest.

I couldn’t shake the thought that he would be better off without me. His life would be easier, safer, without my presence. My resolve wavered at the mere thought of his potential revenge, should he ever turn on me. I didn’t have the strength to defend myself against him, nor did I possess the courage to stand up to him.

A fresh wave of tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but I held them back with all of my willpower. I couldn’t afford to break down now.

Turning away from Elijah’s bed, I made my way towards the door. Just as my hand reached for the doorknob, a quiet voice called out from behind me.

"Ash..."