[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 63: I’ll become the husband you deserve

Elijah’s pov ;

My voice trembled as I repeated the words. "I’m sorry for not seeing you, for not caring enough to understand how you felt. I’m sorry for causing you so much pain."

Tears gathered in his eyes, and I could see the raw emotion reflected in his gaze. It was overwhelming and painful to see him like this, and I couldn’t help but feel stressed with guilt for all the hurt I had inflicted upon him. It breaks my heart and pains my soul.

But he shook his head and he struggled to even speak. "Sorry doesn’t fix everything," he said fiercely, meeting my eyes with a determined look. "Sometimes, it doesn’t fix anything at all. And I never wanted to tell you any of this. It’s fucking embarrassing and pathetic." His voice cracked, and he took a deep breath before continuing. "You know Samantha sent me photos of you and her in bed together. Hugging and kissing each other."

W-What? Photos?

My heart dropped at his words, confusion, and shock freezing me on the spot. How could Samantha have taken such intimate photos of us when I had never touched her? Is that why he accused me of cheating earlier?

"What are you saying-" I started to protest, but he cut me off.

"I know you never cheated on me," he interrupted, his face now displaying a hint of pride. "And I am so happy and relieved that you didn’t. When I found out the truth, I was going to confess my feelings to you. But then...I heard about your accident and it reminded me of a very unpleasant incident from my past."

Once again, tears welled up in his eyes as he spoke, and once again I had no idea what he was talking about.

My thoughts were agitating like a tornado as he spoke. I can’t decipher his words, they just blur together in a jumbled mess. Photos, cheating, truth- it’s all too much to process.

What else has he been hiding from me? "What the hell are you talking about, Ash?" I snap, my frustration boiling over at his cryptic hints. "Just spit it out already."

He chuckles and smiles at me, but there’s a sadness behind it that breaks my heart. It’s both beautiful and tragic. "There’s no point dwelling on the past now," he says with a sigh. "It’s too late for that. And honestly, I don’t want to bring up old wounds again. I’m not sure I have the strength to do so." His words hit me like a punch to the gut.

"Even if you didn’t cheat on me," he continued with a sob choking him and an anguish expression. "Would it change the fact that you treated me like garbage during our marriage? That you only kept me close because of some promise you made to my father?" The weight of his words crushes me.

How could I have been so blind to the hurt I caused him?

It sucks, doesn’t it? We can deceive ourselves into thinking our actions are justified, but in the end, we’re left with nothing but regret.

I married him because I needed to repay a favor owed to his family and because my grandmother approved of him.

But now I can see that I was just ruining things for both him and me.

At that time, I was hesitant to agree, but my grandmother’s persuasive words convinced me that it was the right way to repay my debt. As we stood at the altar, there were no feelings of love between us. Our marriage had been arranged by our families, and they expected us to stay together.

But as time went on, I couldn’t ignore the fact that he harbored feelings for me. I was perfectly aware that he liked me. And perhaps, that was why I tried to keep my distance from him, avoiding any intimate connection.

I thought that by giving him everything except love and my time, I was fulfilling my obligation. Little did I know that those were the very things he craved the most.

Even now, I am unsure of my own emotions. Do I love him deeply enough to forgive him for what happened to my parents? Or am I simply fulfilling my promise to marry him out of duty?

"It’s true, I only married you because of that promise," I confessed, hoping he would understand. "But now, it’s more than just a promise. My feelings for you have changed."

I received a sharp snarl in response. "Your feelings have changed?" he mocked bitterly. "Please spare me your sweet words, Elijah. I know the truth. You don’t truly care about me."

Frustration bubbled up inside me as well because he was not even giving me the chance to speak. "Don’t be ridiculous," I snapped, losing my patience. "Of course, I care about you."

Which is true. I care about him more than anyone.

He scoffed at my words. "No, you don’t," he shot back. "If you did, you would’ve shown it in your actions. You would’ve given me the time and attention I needed. You would’ve seen that I was hurting and been there for me instead of stealing my company and forcing me into this marriage again. Did you forget you promised to ruin my life? What happened to that promise? Or do you not want to complete it anymore?"

His words landed on my skin like a physical blow, the impact reverberating through me and leaving behind a deep ache in my chest. I wanted to go back in time and smack my face as right as I could before I made that promise to him.

And why the fuck my eyes are stinging so badly?

Was I always this week or did the time he spent with me change me into this pathetic mess?

I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way, like I was being ripped apart from the inside out.

But then again, maybe this is what it feels like to die. To have someone you love hurt you so deeply that it physically hurts.

I took a shaky breath, knowing that I needed to face the consequences of my actions. "Ash..." I said, forcing myself to speak despite the lump in my throat, "I know I’ve wronged y-you in countless ways. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done, and I don’t expect you to forgive me either."

He turned away from me, his face glossing with anger and pain. But I couldn’t let him shut me out completely. I reached out and gently turned his face back towards mine. "Please, look at me....please don’t look away from me, it pains me unbearably," I pleaded, almost begging him. "I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I need you to hear me out. I’ll make up for every pain I have caused you."

His eyes burned with a mix of emotions as he reluctantly met my gaze. "You’re an asshole," he spat furiously. "You’ve treated me like I’m nothing. How can you possibly make up for that?"

His words were like a sharp slap across my face, the sting of truth searing through me. I hung my head in shame, unable to meet his gaze. "You’re right. I’ve been a complete asshole. I’ve hurt you deeply, and there’s no excuse for that." The weight of my actions sat heavily on my conscience, but now I knew I had to make things right.

With a small glimmer of hope, I turned to face him and pleaded for one last chance. "Just until this vacation ends," I begged desperately. "If, by the end of it, you can’t forgive me, I swear I won’t disturb you again."

I saw his eyes filling with fear as soon as I finished my words. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want to be with me-- it was because he was afraid of getting hurt again.

"What—?" His voice was cautious and guarded.

My heart beat faster as I made my final plea. "If you don’t forgive me by the end of this vacation," I said firmly, "I will let you go. I’ll break the contract between us, and you’ll be free to divorce me."

A look of sadness crossed over his face at my words, but whether it was from the thought of leaving or from the realisation that our marriage might truly be over, I couldn’t tell. For a brief moment, a spark of relief ignited within me– a twisted hope that maybe he didn’t want to leave after all. But I quickly pushed it away and focused on the sincerity of my promise.

"And if I do forgive you?" He searched my eyes for any signs of deception.

My resolve hardened as I took a step closer to him. "If you do forgive me," I vowed, "then I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I’ll be the husband you deserve, and I’ll never take you for granted again."

Silence hung between us, broken only by the sound of our breathing. I could see the turmoil in his eyes as he grappled with his thoughts. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he met my gaze again, a hint of susceptibility peeking through.

"Okay," he declared in a sharp voice, eyes violently piercing into mine. "I’ll give you a chance. But you have to promise me something first."

My heart raced with anticipation, eager to agree to any condition he might set. "Anything," I replied, my voice full of determination.

He hesitated for a moment before speaking again, his eyes intense and focused. "If you hurt me again," his words were laced with a warning, "even in the slightest way, I won’t hesitate to walk out of your life without thinking twice."

The thought of losing him sent shivers down my spine. But I knew I had no choice but to accept his condition.

I don’t want to agree.

I’m selfish and stubborn, but I have no other option.

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to nod. "I promise," I said firmly. "If I hurt you again, even in the slightest way, I won’t try to stop you from leaving. But there’s something else I need you to promise me."

He raised a questioning eyebrow, clearly wary of this new request. "What is it?" he asked cautiously.

"I need you to promise that during this vacation, you’ll trust me completely and go wherever I take you without any complaints," I said softly but firmly. It was a big ask, but it was important for me to show him a different side of our relationship.

Ash chewed on his bottom lip as he considered my request, his expression hesitant. "And what if I don’t want to do something?" he asked warily.

I took a deep breath, trying to convey my sincerity. The cool air filled my lungs and I felt a sense of calm wash over me. "If you really don’t want to do something, we can talk about it," I said earnestly. "But I want you to trust me, just for this short time. Can you do that for me, love?"

He was silent for a moment, his gaze intense and unreadable. My heart began to race as I waited for his answer, nervousness bubbling up inside me. His decision here could change the course of our relationship and my determination.

My palms were slick with sweat and my heart pounded in my chest. It was a strange feeling, being so anxious yet exhilarated at the same time. I couldn’t help but hope that he would agree to my request.

He looked at me, searching my eyes for what felt like an eternity. His expression was serious and conflicted. Just when I thought he might refuse, a soft, shy calmness spread across his face.

With a quick, hesitant nod and flushed cheeks, he replied, "Alright, deal. I promise."

A huge grin spread across my face and I quickly pulled him into a tight hug, ignoring his grumbling protests. "Thank you! Thank you!" I exclaimed.

"Elijah...you bastard! Let me go and stop squeezing me so hard! You’re suffocating me!"