ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 101: A Sword and Its Wielder ( )

"Oi!" Hazuki barked.

"What?" Ridan replied, completely unfazed.

"You said you knew the way back to Hazlin Town!"

"Hmm? I never said I knew the way back to Hazlin Town," Ridan said with an audible shrug in his tone. "I just said I know this forest."

Hazuki squatted down by the roadside, scowling at the endless stretch of dirt road ahead. "Damn it... I shouldn’t have believed you in the first place."

"Hey, hey! I was being good, alright? And technically—technically—I didn’t lie. I do know this forest."

Hazuki narrowed his eyes. "We’ve been walking for half a day."

"Yes. And now look where we are! A road!" Ridan declared proudly, as if he had just guided them to a hidden treasure.

Hazuki blinked. "...That’s true, actually."

"See? What’d I tell you? For someone sealed a thousand years, I’m doing pretty damn well!"

Hazuki sighed, standing up and brushing the dirt off his pants. "Right... remind me to never trust a spirit who brags about jingling melons and ancient forests."

"I take offense to that. I’m refined, thank you very much."

"Yeah, refined garbage."

"Wha—!?"

Ridan was furious.

...Well, not really.

Ridan scoffed inside the sword, then smirked. "Well, at least I’m better garbage than someone."

"!!!"

Hazuki flinched. "What did you say!?"

"What? It’s true, right?" Ridan said with a tone too smug for someone sealed in a sword. "No sense of direction. No map. No brain. If I didn’t tell you where the road was, you’d probably still be wandering in circles, eating moss and talking to squirrels like a lunatic."

"I do not eat moss!"

"Give it one more day and you will."

Hazuki groaned and covered his face. "Why the hell is my only companion a trash-talking sword spirit who acts like a smug old man with a melon obsession..."

"Ohh, you remembered my melons~" Ridan teased.

"I will bury you. I swear I’ll bury you in the ground and walk away."

"You’d miss me in one hour. Two tops."

"...Damn it, that’s the worst part. You’re probably right."

Hazuki stared blankly at the sword.

"Now where should we go, sword spirit?"

"Oho~ that’s a good attitude!" Ridan said, his voice dripping with pride. "Now kneel and call me Ridan-sama."

"..."

There was a long pause. The wind rustled through the trees. Birds chirped innocently in the distance.

Hazuki squinted at the blade in his hand.

Then, slowly...

He raised it high above his head—

"H-Hey! W-Wait! What are you doing!?" Ridan panicked.

"About to introduce you to the God of Throwing-Into-The-Abyss. Very ancient, very divine," Hazuki said, dead serious.

"W-Whoa whoa! J-Just kidding! Geez, no sense of humor!"

"Then shut up and point me to the nearest place with food."

"Hmph! You really are a rude disciple."

"I’m not your disciple!!"

"Shhhh~" Ridan hushed him like a teacher scolding a naughty student. "We’re going to Delmouth Outpost. It’s a small trading post northwest. Got food. Got merchants. Got melons~."

"...Are you sure you weren’t sealed for being a pervert?"

"That was just a side charge!"

"How long do you think until we arrive at this so-called Delmouth Outpost?" Hazuki grumbled, his stomach lightly growling.

"Hmm... probably around 100 days or more if we walk!" Ridan replied cheerfully.

Hazuki slowly raised the sword above his head with a blank expression.

"Hey!!! Chill, buddy! I was just joking!!"

Hazuki sighed and lowered the sword. "You’re lucky you’re not refundable... or flammable."

Ridan cleared his throat, trying to sound wise. "Ahem. We can reach a small village or town if we keep using this road. I sense... people. Probably a good place to eat, rest, and ogle—uh, observe—locals."

Hazuki narrowed his eyes. "Seriously. If this sword wasn’t bought with my hard-earned ten silver coins, I would’ve already thrown you into a swamp. Or used you to poke bear dung."

"Uncultured swine!" Ridan snapped. "You’re wielding a legendary spirit weapon! Show some respect!"

"Legendary my ass," Hazuki muttered, glaring at the blade in his hand. "The sword’s mine. I bought it. You just possessed it like some squatters’ ghost."

"Wha—! Hey!" Ridan stammered, clearly offended. "I am an ancient spirit! I should be sealed inside the most beautiful, divine, glorious blade forged by the gods themselves—not this... 10-silver special!"

"Yeah yeah, you’re lucky enough to be in this ’cheap’ sword," Hazuki shot back. "If not, you’d still be sealed in that dark cave like a forgotten sock. Pervert spirit."

"Oi! Stop calling me pervert! I have a name!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah! Call me Ridan-sama! Don’t forget the SAMA."

"Yes yes... Rugan."

"Ridan!!"

"Oops, my bad... Reban."

"That’s even worse!!"

Hazuki smirked, continuing down the dirt road. "Well then, Sir Ramen, let’s find that village before the next monster finds us."

"You’re the real monster here..." Ridan grumbled, but deep down, he kind of liked the company.

"You know... this feels nice," Ridan murmured from the sword, his voice a little quieter than usual. "Even from inside here, I can see the world again."

"Oho~ getting sentimental, are we?" Hazuki grinned, resting the sword on his shoulder as he strolled down the road.

"Welp. The world may have changed a lot, but at least I’m... a bit free now," Ridan said, almost sounding wistful.

Hazuki raised an eyebrow. "So tell me—why were you sealed in the first place?"

"Hmm... I can hardly remember," Ridan replied after a pause.

"Oh? Not because of revenge? Or punishment? Or, y’know, the usual tragic backstory stuff?"

"Hey! I said I don’t know!"

Hazuki smirked. "Maybe it’s because you were a pervert?"

"No way! I don’t think I get sealed for that!"

"Oh really? What if you were trying to conquer the world with your perverted harem army?"

"..."

"Seriously?"

"Hey! I forgot already, alright!?"

Hazuki laughed. "You forgot your own villain arc. That’s rich."

"By the way," Ridan suddenly said, his tone casual. "You never told me your name."

Hazuki rolled his eyes. "Oh, just call me Hazuki, pervert spirit."

"Wha—! I already told you, call me Ridan!"

"Yes yes, Tidan."

"It’s Ridan!"

"Chill, swordie."

"Haaa... suit yourself... Jockie."

"It’s Hazuki!" Hazuki snapped, turning the sword to stare at it.

"Joakie?"

"Ha - zu - Ki!"

"Kakuki?"

Hazuki stared blankly at the sword, then sighed. "...You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?"

Ridan let out a smug little "Hehehe~" from inside the blade. "Whaaat? I’m just bad with names."

"You’re bad with a lot of things."

"Worse than your sense of direction?"

"Tch—shut up."

"If you’re not going to call me by my name, then I’ll just call you whatever I want," Ridan said with a smug tone.

"Chill, pervert."

"Oh?" Ridan chuckled darkly. "Then how about this... I’ll call you Lost-kun."

"Oi!!"

"What? It fits you. No sense of direction, always getting lost, probably needs a map to find a map."

"Tch..."

"Call me Ridan, and I’ll call you Hazuki. Fair trade, yeah?"

Hazuki glared at the sword. "Tsk... Fine. Ridan."

"Very good~ Hazuki."

"...Lost-kun has a nice ring though."

"Don’t push it."

( End of Chapter )