ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 155: Bites, Bickering, and Shadows ( )

Hazuki leaned back on a nearby fence post after giving up the bench, arms crossed behind his head, eyes drifting toward the sky.

"Man, I’m bored."

Ridan, circling overhead like a lazy cloud, snorted instantly.

"You? Bored?"

He burst into laughter.

"BWAHAHAHAHA!! What a joke!"

Hazuki frowned.

"I’m serious, Ridan. What’s the purpose of me being summoned to this world anyway?"

Ridan floated lower, an annoyed twitch in his eye.

"I don’t know, dumbass!"

He replied too quickly—obviously a lie—but Hazuki was too spaced out to notice.

"Well, if you’re bored, why don’t you do some real adventurer work for once?"

Hazuki hesitated.

"Err..."

"See!?"

Ridan spun dramatically.

"When I mention adventurer work, you already start making excuses."

"What’s your dream, anyway?"

Hazuki’s face twisted into a lovestruck grin.

"My dream is to marry Ellyn and live happily..."

He sighed dreamily.

"...have lots of children... Ahhh, Elly-naaa..."

"NOT YOUR WEIRD ALL-TIME DREAM, ASSHOLE!"

Ridan slapped the back of Hazuki’s head with a misty puff.

"I meant your current goal! What are you even doing right now!?"

Hazuki blinked.

"...Sightseeing the world?"

"Yeah, and to sightsee, you need what?"

Hazuki tapped his chin.

"Hmm... nothing?"

"DUMBASS!!"

Ridan screamed, facepaling midair.

"Money! You need money, you freeloading raccoon!! You’re sightseeing as an adventurer to gather money—so you can buy land, marry your catgirl, and have your litter of fuzzy brats, RIGHT?"

Hazuki stared blankly, then slowly nodded.

"...Oh."

Ridan facepalmed midair.

"It’s astonishing how you survive, you walking miracle of failure."

Hazuki stretched his arms high above his head, yawning as if he hadn’t slept for a century.

"Well... let’s head to the adventurer guild then."

Ridan perked up, floating in a proud circle.

"That’s the spirit!"

Hazuki raised an eyebrow, smirking.

"You are the spirit."

There was a brief pause.

"Oi!"

Ridan flared up.

"I didn’t mean it like that, dumbass!"

Just as Hazuki started walking—

GROWLLL~

His stomach issued a long, monstrous roar that made even a passing child turn and stare in horror.

Hazuki blinked, glancing down.

"...Oh."

Ridan hovered in silence for a moment, eyes half-lidded, staring at Hazuki like he’d lost all faith in him—again.

"...Idiot," he muttered quietly.

Hazuki chuckled awkwardly, rubbing his stomach.

"Guess I should get breakfast first, huh."

Ridan narrowed his eyes.

"Go get breakfast first, dumbass."

Hazuki grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

"You know what they say? Start the day with a smile."

Ridan floated directly in front of his face, deadpan.

"Dumbass. Start your day with breakfast, not a smile."

And then he added with disgust,

"And your smile is creepy. So don’t."

Hazuki pouted, clutching his stomach with one hand and dramatically marching toward the food stalls.

"This world’s too harsh on handsome guys."

"You’re not handsome, you’re hungry. There’s a difference."

Ridan floated beside him with his usual smug cloud energy.

"And have you looked in a mirror lately?" he scoffed.

"You’re lucky a kid like Ellyn tricked you into a pinky promise. You two are bound now. If not, no one would ever marry you."

He paused dramatically. ƒreewebɳovel.com

"Not even the lizard girl."

Hazuki stopped mid-step, his entire soul visibly leaving his body.

"Oi... don’t be that harsh..."

His voice cracked.

"Sob... sob..."

He hunched slightly, clutching his chest, eyes watering as if in tragic anime meltdown mode right in the middle of the street.

Ridan sighed heavily, floating in slow circles.

"Why is the guy I’m stuck with like this...?"

He muttered to himself, watching Hazuki spiral into an exaggerated despair.

And then—

Hazuki froze.

His head snapped up.

His nose twitched sharply.

SIZZLE~ SIZZLE~

The smell of charcoal and sweet, marinated fat hit him like a meteor.

He turned slowly, eyes shining like a starving raccoon that just spotted a dumpster full of leftovers.

His voice dropped into a whisper, trembling with anticipation.

"...Meat."

Then—

"MEAAAAAAAAAT!!!"

He erupted into a sprint, full speed across the square toward a food stall with grilled skewers, nearly knocking over a bucket and a sleeping cat on the way.

Ridan didn’t even bother to stop him this time.

He simply floated behind, mumbling,

"This guy... priorities: food, sleep, Ellyn. In that exact order."

Hazuki stood beside the stall, munching noisily on a juicy grilled skewer, cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk mid-feast.

"By the way, Ridan—" he mumbled through half a mouthful of meat.

Floating beside him, Ridan casually reached out, touching the other skewer in Hazuki’s hand. His cloudy fingers grazed the meat, and the moment he made contact—

Munch munch.

Despite having no solid body, Ridan chomped away like it was the best meal of his afterlife, steam puffing from his mouth.

He paused mid-bite, glaring at Hazuki.

"Don’t talk with food inside your mouth, dumbass!"

Hazuki blinked, startled.

"Huh? You’re also talking with food in your mouth!"

"Munch munch... I’m not."

"Munch munch! You are!"

Suddenly, their argument escalated—two idiots bickering over table manners while both actively breaking them.

Around them, passersby began to gently steer clear, stepping cautiously aside as Hazuki animatedly argued with the air, a grilled skewer waving like a microphone.

A merchant whispered to another,

"Is that the crazy black-haired human they talked about...?"

"Yeah... I heard he sleeps on benches and screams about meat."

Hazuki didn’t notice at all.

"I’m just saying, don’t call me dumbass when you’re literally float-eating in public!"

"You started the dumbassery!"

They shot each other fierce looks while simultaneously munching louder in defiance, turning their spat into a strange spectacle in the busy town square.

Across the street, in the shadow of a low-roofed building, two cloaked figures watched Hazuki intently.

One of them narrowed his eyes behind a thin mask.

"We found him."

The other nodded slowly.

"Good."

He lowered his voice.

"Wait for a chance. When he’s away from crowds. Leader said not to cause a ruckus in this beastkin kingdom. We’re not here to start a war."

The first assassin hesitated, voice dropping to a whisper.

"...Are you sure this is the guy?"

"Why?"

He tilted his head toward Hazuki, who was still standing in the middle of the plaza, waving a skewer in one hand and yelling at invisible air.

They both stared in silence.

Hazuki was mid-rant:

"—And you called me a dumbass first! Admit it! Munch munch!"

"..."

"...Right,"

The leader finally muttered.

"Let’s just pretend we’re walking past. Then stab him when we’re close. Quick and clean."

The other nodded slowly.

"Alright."

They stepped out of the shadows, slowly making their way toward Hazuki—calm, silent, blending with the bustling crowd.

One hand drifted toward a concealed blade.

The other reached into his cloak, fingers brushing a poison-coated dagger.

"Ready?" the first whispered.

"Yes."

They were only a few steps away.

Hazuki had no idea.

He was still chewing, still arguing, still pointing a greasy skewer at empty space.

( End Of Chapter )